What makes a well written review? (as opposed to a good review)

[JRZug]

When I write a review, I try to describe everything that I observed, and to seperate the what from my opinion about it. When I read a review that is clearly highly subjective, I try to figure out the underlying facts of the encounter, but it can be a very hard thing to do.

When the review is highly positive or highly negative, and very low on facts, that is the least likely to be useful. OK, so BobZ thought Kelli was the greatest, and MacDaddy thought BillieJean was horrible. What does that tell me? Not a damn thing. But if BobZ explains that Kelli was a Callista Flockhart lookalike who's obvious disdain for males of any kind made him tingle as he paid for her to allow him to violate her... well, now I know that she's not for me, even though for some guys she's the best thing since sliced provalone.

A good review form, like the ones on JAG or RAPS at least does half this job for me, with one we get a decent stab at a dispassionate physical description, and hopefully enough detail to actually be able to contact the lady, if not a reference to a web site with a photo...

The only way newbies are going to turn in credible reviews is through experience and exposure. Sure, you are going to have to suffer through some superlative laden drek before they start to polish up. But post better examples, and heck, contact them and try to help them learn their way around... in the long run it should pay off in more usable information sources for all of us.

Zuggie

[justme]

UG is not a review site (just to get that out of the way)

The difference between a good review and a great review is that a good review will tell you what you'll get and a great review will tell you how you'll feel.

That said, I think that what distibguishes a great reviewer is the ability to conver the tiny nuances that distinguish one bbbj from another. The small detalis that make the difference between an average fuck and a great fuck are almost impossible to delineate, but still a great reviewer still manages to illistrate them.

If anyone needs an example of a great review they should pay whatever king's ransom madchaos is asking for today and memorize Social Register's review. This is the ultimate example of the art.

if you are inclined to do that, please skip the justme reviews, or at best review them as examples of poor writeing.

[Hotpuppy]

My original entree in this hobby was reading the reviews and discussion boards on JAG before it was a pay service. I especially recall Zuggie's reviews and comments as being very helpful in getting me started. I look forward to more of the same on UG. While Im at it I'd like to send a special thank you to Seamus, whose reviews directed me to my first and to this day favorite escort experience. As has been my opinion of boards and reviews since my contributions began, the meat has always been pretty good, its the sauce that has been lacking. Now , I gotta go to work.
take care HP

[justme]

I don't remember a hotpuppy on JAG... maybe you posted under a different handle?

(I had almost forgotten about this crusade...)

[Hotpuppy]

justme,
I posted very little on JAG and when I did it was under a different handle- no problem I hope!
take care
HP

[justme]

Sorry if I cam off agressive. I've been trying to figure out who you and ew were on JAG. It's really just a curiosity thing on my part, nothing important. In light of recent events I probably could have picked a much better word than 'crusade'... 'hobby'?.. well something.

[Hotpuppy]

Really okay, I was less than a minor blip on JAG
HP

[skagen]

A good review always provides:

- a summary of the provider's looks that would be realistic to a reasonable cross-section the male population
- a sense of the provider's attitude and vibe
- detail on what sort of specific services were "standard" for the price you paid
- detail on what services were optional or YYMV
- a sense of how god the provider was at the various services or aspects of the session

A BAD review might be a story that eschews a sexual detail in favor of:

- a vague thesaurus list of superlatives
- the gory details of the meal you had before/after the actual sex
- a plug of your wine or restaurant selection skills
- a vague, brief summary that doesn't even allow one to reasonably surmise one can expect ANY specific sexual satisfaction in return for giving the woman your money ie a ripoff setup

I concur that Social Register is a benchmark of good reviews. His skill on composing prose is remarkable, but the real vaue is that he tells you what to expect in terms of sexual services and attitude in return for your money.

We can dodge and weave with vague terms and allusions to coffee, but without real facts, a review can't help you make an informed decision. And the fact is if LE really want to bust someone, they do it. They know more providers and agencies than you do, because they all get paid off.

[One Eyed Trouser Trout]

that reviews are written in any one of my three languages (english, american or philadelphian).

Know what I mean?

[occasionalhobbyist]

Let's do baseball cards for the ladies.

We can download the TER reviews, do an annual average, and then we can like, trade 'em.

Let's see. We'd be doing vitals: measurements, dob, residence and then performance averages.

We need better stats. I mean, there's looks, performance. # of Tricks. # of walk-aways. We need a GFE rating, a PSE rating, Threesomes performed. Maybe we could add BBBJ percentage. BBBJTC. BBBJTCNQNS. Sort of a slugging/swallowing percentage. THAT'S IT!!! Man, I tell ya, I'm a born marketer.

Let's get the guys over at the Elias Sports Bureau to work on this right away. Let's make a few limited edition scratch-n-sniff cards. Wonder if Upper Deck would be interested?

New resolution: I will include every detail about post-fornication meals from now on. Just finished a strawberry-banana yogurt. Tasty, sloppy and smooth... I think a little dripped on my chin.

[Bill Furniture]

Originally posted by occasionalhobbyist


Let's get the guys over at the Elias Sports Bureau to work on this right away. Let's make a few limited edition scratch-n-sniff cards. Wonder if Upper Deck would be interested?
[/B]

What would they smell like?

[Troutman]

They'd end up smelling just like the gum.

[occasionalhobbyist]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bill Furniture

What would they smell like?

What do you THINK they would smell like Bill?

[Bill Furniture]

fish?

[hombre]

It's like other good writing: it places you there. This can take many forms. It can place you inside the head of the writer, or you can be a fly on the wall observing the action. Above all, it is descriptive and definite and personal.

Just my $.02...

[Geezy Muldoon]

To further refine some of the observations expressed in this thread, I think any review worth reading tells you who the reviewer is and what effect his peculiarities had on the woman and his own experience of her. That being said, I don't think any of us can have a Social Register experience, a Mr. P. experience, a Hombre Secreto experience, or a Pat McGroyne experience (to name but a few of the consistently good JAG reviewers) because we are not them and are incapable of altering the reality of a session in the way that they do.

[hombre]

Originally posted by Judge Crater
I don't think any of us can have a Social Register experience, a Mr. P. experience, a Hombre Secreto experience, or a Pat McGroyne experience (to name but a few of the consistently good JAG reviewers) because we are not them and are incapable of altering the reality of a session in the way that they do.

Altering reality? That seems kind of extreme.

IMHO, it's more like you're getting a glimpse of their reality, and you're getting a look behind the curtain to see what they're experiencing during the session. A lot of my own experience is internal, so the blow-by-blow recounting of who did what to whom wouldn't convey what the reality of the session was like for me anyway.

Which reminds me, I've got a review or two to write.

[Geezy Muldoon]

Commercial sex is not an "I" meets "Thou" venture about which there can be any objective reality, but rather an "I" met "it" venture for both parties to the transaction. As such, the experience that we read about (aside from the bare physical details and services rendered and sometimes those as well unfortunately) is inherently subjective and is driven by who the john is and what his appetities and internal monologues are during the session. That's what I meant by the "alteration" of reality comment. And that's why I don't bother with reading reviews or writing them anymore and find boards only useful for new contact information.

Although this image is somewhat extreme to make a point, I think johns are somewhat like Tom Cruise's character Lestat in Interview with a Vampire dancing around the room with a corpse in his arms. That is to say it is we who add life to the woman we are with, not the other way around. How we go about adding such life is completely up to us and will not change based on reading another john's review.

[Edited by Judge Crater on 11-12-2001 at 11:59 AM]

[sigma089]

you wrote:

>> ... That is to say it is we who add life to the woman we are with, not the other way around. How we go about adding such life is completely up to us and will not change based on reading another john's review. <<


I'm not 100% sure about this, but isn't this just an elaborate way of saying YMMV?

[hombre]

Originally posted by sigma089
you wrote:
isn't this just an elaborate way of saying YMMV?

My take on it is not so much YMMV, but you take the reviewer's prejudices & foibles into account and decide based on that. Kind of like how you tend to put more faith in movie reviewers whose prejudices you're familiar with. That's not the same as YMMV, just what an informed consumer does as a matter of course.

[Geezy Muldoon]

Neither of you got the point.

[Troutman]

JC's right. Neither of you got it. I believe what he means is that YMMV based upon your pressure on the gas pedal, not on the tuning of the car.

The vehicle is designed such that it will respond according to your apparent needs and whims at the moment when you take the wheel. Of course, that's not to say that the vehicle is not at all a responsible part of the mix, for of course without the proper equipment it will never get to the desired speed. However, if you are given a properly equipped conveyance, it will get you where you want to go, based upon how you choose to drive.

Close enough Judge?

[jras]

I think that the Judge is simply opining that the ladies with whom we consort are blank canvases upon which we paint our sexual fantasies and perversions. True to an extent, but I've met some wonderful, creative women recently that bring as much to the palette as I do.

jras

[Geezy Muldoon]

jras comes closest to expressing what it is that I mean, except that I would eliminate any comment on what the women are bringing to the table except to note that I prize most highly those women who are adept at being blank canvasses and are unobtrusively pliant. Troutman close as well except I would revamp the analogy to that of someone playing a video game of driving a car.

Know that makes me a complete apostate, but its what I believe after my experiences of reading and writing on JAG and UG for a year and a half. Why I won't pay to read JAG reviews or write anymore JAG reviews. I can only have a JC experience and will have to be content with that for it is all that I will ever be capable of. Other reviewer's experiences are irrelvant to me.

Which is not to say that I might not consider putting out a discreet warning somehow if I found a vendor to be ********, addicted to drugs or severely unbalanced - that is to say only barely functional and only seemingly ambulatory as opposed to normally ambulatory. On the other hand, I might not say anything in case the information drew more flies. Would depend on the circumstance.

[Edited by Judge Crater on 11-12-2001 at 06:19 PM]

[Troutman]

When driving a car, one tends to experience more in the nature of smells, feelings, and other external stimulations. Also, I prefer a standard to an automatic...

[justme]

I'm sure that there's a stick shift joke there.

[Troutman]

Hmmmm... You're probably right. Something to do with controlling the speeds & manual manipulation, perhaps?

[Humble Narrator]

Like JRAS, I too have met some incredible people who are providers and who are far more preferable to me than blank canvasses.

JC's constant almost liturgical utterances of his/our moral and ethical bankruptcy, which allows us to dehumanize providers, is beyond annoying. It is unconscionable to give his perspective cr****ce, even tacitly. I say this primarily because of his insistence that these principles are true for all of us.

I find it even more interesting that JC tells us his only reason for being on this board is to "get new contacts". Hmm. So, if the canvas is blank, why use this board? He apparently doesn't want or need the perspectives of other johns. So, why not just read the ads for agencies and indies and get on with the task of fleshing out that canvas?

I depend on the experiences of others in making my spending decisions. Just like reading Consumer Reports. If I thought my perspective was the only real deciding factor, I would just close my eyes and point when deciding on what TV to buy. Live would then become a rather dull experience of hit or miss.

Now, perhaps JC is looking for us to tell him who is the best canvas. This makes no sense, given that we won't know, since our goals and his may be vastly divergent. This sort of double-blind lack of awareness renders boards like this irrelevant.

Bottom line: I love good reviews. I want to know both parties. I know I can depend on certain people to consistently provide me with the information I desire. That's really why I am here.

I hope my lack of pessimism isn't too irritating.

[Slinky Bender]

"So, if the canvas is blank, why use this board? "

Some canvasses are blanker than others ?????

[Geezy Muldoon]

HN:

You misunderstand my intent. I am not about morality or ethics, but am only interested in the psychological mechanics of commercial sex. Nor am I about dehumanizing anyone, be they a vendor or a purchaser. I merely attempt to be dispassionate and amused.

Except for the few weakly written paens and recurrent love letter threads that occur here, I would not characterize this board as a review site. Find contact information here concerning advertisers and women who are mentioned here and take my chances. Results are as before, when I wrote and read reviews.

I don't read Consumer Reports to check on the state of my soul, but rely on my own internal navigation system and accept the hit or miss nature of this approach for what it is. That's a bit snide. I apologize.

Why don't I read or write reviews anymore? Because I will never be as charming, engagingly talkative or as earnest as Social Register, Mr. P. or Pat McGroyne appear to be in their reviews and posts. Since those qualities create the sessions they have, it is not helpful to me in determining what kind of session I will have.

Think you actually know any vendors? Guess again. What you "know" are your impressions which inevitably flow from your prejudices and mental habits. What you "know" is further limited by what the vendor chooses to allow you to see.

Give me the unobtrusive, blank canvass everytime. I am nothing if not polite.