Be careful what you wish for...

Discussion in 'General Industry Related Topics' started by Tankcommander, Apr 1, 2001.

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  1. lisa

    lisa

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    54
    hugzzzzzzzzzz

    tank
    although weve talked about this in pvt i want to send you a big hug on the board so when you look here
    you know im there for you too :)

    xoxo
    lisa
  2. Slinky Bender

    Slinky Bender The All Powerful Moderator

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    ARTIST: Bob Seger
    TITLE: Night Moves

    End of third stanza
  3. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold

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    Skelly/fletch:

    When you realize that you and all the other johns are the ones actually being conquered in the minds of prostitutes, it takes the wind out of your sails. Reverse field perception. Was much easier to hobby when I thought it was I doing the conquering. Makes me laugh to grasp the irony of that. So nothing left to learn, perhaps, or experience with prostitutes. Winding down and just talking to the Wizard behind the curtain.

    tank:

    Not a pit bull personality at all. Think it is true, though, that the more you fuck around the less attention you have for the woman in your personal life. They sense that even if they do not actually know you are cheating on them. We become unavailable and distant to them and they do not like it. Was just pointing that hidden cost of hobbying out. Not intending to be mean.
  4. Carl M

    Carl M Hanging by a thread

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    Cheer Up Tank!

    Listen look on the bright side bro- there are plenty of fish in the sea! Hey I stlll have not seen Enemy at the Gates- This FRI I am going no matter what, email me!
  5. Tankcommander

    Tankcommander

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    357
    I had a long and wonderful conversation with her a few hours ago

    complete with all the crying and hugging and honesty.

    The last two nights, it was yelling, accusations and hate.

    She has had a depression problem for a long time and recently went on an anti-depressant without telling me.

    Hindsight being what it is, I realize that she had been distant for a month now. We were in a co-dependent relationship and we were'nt fixing anything. Me, being a person with a Pit Bull personality, tried to bully her into being better. I would force her to get up and do things, to be physically active and to try to enjoy herself when all she wanted to do was curl up and lay down. Honestly, I had curled up with her on occasion, and found myself getting fat and lethargic. So, the alternative was to pick her up and try to "snap" her out of it. It took a little pill for her to realize that she was bringing me down, and to save me as well as herself, she had to leave me. She knows that she will have to swallow that pill every day for the rest of her life.

    She told me things that she had never told me before. Things of self sacrifice and deception, but deception for my benefit. She knew of my hobby, and knew that her lack of sexuality played a part in driving me to it.

    And, to my discredit, I found that there was no other man. But even worse is the fact that we have ruined each other for ourselves. We can never have a romantic relationship again.

    All the anger and dispair is gone. I am sad now. I regret many of the things I have done. I feel remorse and sorrow. I mourn the passing of our relationship. However, I love her more than ever. We were making each other miserable and she took it upon herself to fix things. I know it hurts her more than it hurts me. I have many coping mechanisms, she has very few. She is my martyr.

    I spent the last hour holding her and crying. I promised her that I would be there for her, anytime, day or night. However, she knows that if she comes to me for comfort, it would be counterproductive.

    So, I am left here with melancholy thoughts and a pain that won't go away.

    I want to thank Imperial one, Lisa, Candie,Skelley. Fletch, Tucker, Jmcurry, CarlM, Horndog, Dawn, Badz, K.S. Casper, little guy, Ezrlove, Richardrzhippin, Rooster, hotpuppy, (which incidentally through some E-Mail interaction, casts doubt on my suspicion that he was Kayla), Alyssa Young, and Roberta of Houston, all of whom have given me great comfort. Also, Guy Catelli (whom I have had many vigorous disagreements with, yet has the compassion to over look that) who sent me the url to "A kiss is still a kiss", and Judge Crater who probably has a Pit Bull Personality and tried to "snap" me out of it by giving me a kick in the seat of my pants...

    If I missed any of you, please forgive me, I didn't make a list, and I've been sobbing a lot. I do remember you though. Thank you all. Thank you all.

    And, although you will never read this, My love, my darling love, thank you for sacrificing yourself to save me...
  6. SkellyChamp

    SkellyChamp

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    2,000
    JC

    I thought it was just a Lent thing. Or does this mean you have come to grip with your "power" issues.
  7. fletch

    fletch Voice of Reason

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    In all honesty, if you want out and you are getting out then I'm glad for you.
  8. TuckernotSucker

    TuckernotSucker

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    Tank--

    The hurt gets better each and every day. It may never go away completely but it gets better. Try to keep yourself busy. Feel better my friend
  9. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold

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    2,351
    Eating pasta salad and chicken and conversation. I will be completely retired when I no longer even do that. And thanks again for hammering me on occassion. Remind me of a friend in my real life who always takes me down a few pegs whenever we meet. Only person who will do that for me. Rest are all hoodwinked.

    [Edited by Judge Crater on 04-02-2001 at 09:12 PM]
  10. fletch

    fletch Voice of Reason

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    I'm glad to be of service. Along those same lines, what exactly does "semi-retirement" mean? Blow jobs only?
  11. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold

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    fletch:

    Am actually in semi-retirement myself and not seeing anybody. So a little less hypocritical than might appear at first glance. Definitely on my way out of the hobby for all the reasons outline above and in other threads today. Nothing more to learn. Bored. But thanks for pointing out that I am a shiftless hypocrite with the morals of a coyote. I know it and it does me good to be reminded of it.
  12. fletch

    fletch Voice of Reason

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    197
    Or at least only do it with semi-retired girls who only see a small group of people. But don't worry about bragging about it on public Internet bulletin boards.
  13. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold

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    2,351
    Tank:

    I know this comment runs against the sentiments expressed above. But, if you have been actively having sex with other women even for pay, why are you suprised that your girlfriend left you? Women in the real world do not put up with that shit. A wife might forgive you at least once assuming you are otherwise a "nice" guy, but there is absolutely no reason why a girlfriend should put up with such behavior.

    Assuming you were not in "retirement/hiatus" mode, what did you expect to happen? Screwing other women inevitably makes men more detached from their girlfriends and wives with the result that they feel ignored and do not want to stick around. You play. You pay. Kind of unavoidable. Want a girlfriend or a wife? Stop fucking around.
  14. jmcurry

    jmcurry The Insider

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    Tank, we know several folks in common who will vouch for my sincerity. I have been where you are and back. You need to heal, but you should not attempt it alone. If you have places to go, go there. If not, email me. I will steer you to some caring friends. If you'd rather go it alone, be well: time does heal all wounds.
  15. Carl M

    Carl M Hanging by a thread

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    Oh No,my Armored Brother!

    Bro I feel your pain, hang in there, Im married but am living thru hell right now. Sometimes when something like this happens its meant to be!! Each day that passes you will feel better! Email me my brother if you wanna talk!!
  16. Casper

    Casper

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    8,268
    I you've never felt the hurt, you've never ever been in love. Simple but true statement.
    Most of us have been hurt to some degree or another. Aside from keeping busy and not having too much idle time to think and re-think about "it", I take comfort in the fact that I believe that there is more than ONE right person for everyone.

    Now finding that "other" person(s) is the hard part. Time heals most wounds, bad memories fade while being replaced with new and better ones. The comfort family and true friends can give make these things better to deal with. Use the emotion your feeling to do something constructive, maybe become a volunteer for something you have a fondness for, maybe a dog shelter perhaps. This will get you out and about keeping you busy while exposing you to new people with similar interests.

    I know it may be too soon for you to think about any of these things, but you will move on at your own pace. Just make sure you move on, because success is the best revenge anyone can rub into the face of someone's who's done you wrong.

    Hope this helps,
    Keep the faith
    C
  17. Slinky Bender

    Slinky Bender The All Powerful Moderator

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    Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I was just talking about the lipstick part.............;)

    [Edited by slinkybender on 04-01-2001 at 10:57 PM]
  18. Ezrlove

    Ezrlove

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    279
    Tank - I am sorry to hear that you are hurtin

    It sounds like you had deep feelings for this woman. I agree with Slinky. Don't jump into a relationship to quickly. And when you do find someone special remember how you felt when your lady left you. It will make toyr next relationship better and stronger.


    Ez
  19. Slinky Bender

    Slinky Bender The All Powerful Moderator

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    19,495
    Personally, I don't think TC should take KS's advice of "put on your lipstick and get back out there."

    Although, I'd bet he could......oh, nevermind.........
  20. Tankcommander

    Tankcommander

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    357
    Firstly, thanks again for the support....

    Secondly,

    It's difficult to meet someone in NYC if you're not prominent like a Kennedy, rich like a Trump, or fit like Schwarzenegger.

    Right now, I'm feeling damned ugly so I'm not going anywhere yet.

    Anyway, even at my best, I don't get out much.

    We had the keys to each other's apartments so we can coma and go as we please. When I called and she wasn't answering her phone, I got worried and went over. This was about 3 in the morning.