Boston Red Sox

Discussion in 'Boston / Massachusetts & Rhode Island' started by Troutman, Nov 4, 2001.

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  1. Troutman

    Troutman Paste


    Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of The New York Yankees
    Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently
    processing only fan conversion revisitations for Boston Red Sox fans.
    Conversion requests for other teams will be accepted once all former Red
    Sox fan requests have been processed. We expect this to take a number of
    weeks based on the current number of requests.

    Please take a few minutes and complete the conversion form below to help us
    get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover
    from your previous fan experience.

    1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Red Sox win the World

    __ 1918 (Please leave your form in the main office of your nursing home
    for mailing).
    __ I have never witnessed this event

    2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history. (Check all
    that apply)

    __ Babe Ruth sold to the Yankees
    __ Pesky holds ball as the Yankees score the winning run in 1948
    __ Bob Gibson shuts down the Sox in the 1967 series
    __ Sox trade Sparky Lyle to the Yankees for Danny Carter
    __ Big Red Machine beats the Sox in game 7 of the 1975 series
    __ Sox lose 14 1/2 game lead to the Yankees in 1978
    __ The "Boston Massacre" in 1978 (4 game sweep by the Yanks in Fenway in
    __ Bucky Dent's homer in the 1978 playoff game
    __ Bob Stanley throws wild pitch in the 6th game of the 1986 series
    __ Grounder goes through Buckner's legs in the 6th game of the 1986 series
    __ Future Hall-of-Famer, Wade Boggs rides policeman's horse after the Yanks
    win the 1996 series
    __ Future Hall-of-Famer, Roger Clemens traded to the Yankees
    __ Yanks wipe out Sox in 5 games in the 1999 ACLS
    __ Roger Clemens wins game 4 for the Yankees to clinch the 1999 series

    3. Reasons you believe the Red Sox have NOT won a World Series:

    __ The Curse of The Bambino
    __ Lack of Pitching
    __ The Curse of The Bambino
    __ Lack of Hitting
    __ The Curse of The Bambino
    __ Lack of Defense
    __ The Curse of The Bambino
    __ Bad calls by the umps
    __ The Curse of The Bambino

    4. Have you experienced any of the following symptoms after another
    inevitable Red Sox collapse?:

    __ Headache __ Uncontrollable anger
    __ Heartache __ Holes punched in doors/windows
    __ Nausea __ Smashed TV screens
    __ Depression __ Avoided Yankee fans for 3 or more days

    5. October is your favorite month of the year __Yes

    6. Are you tired of saying, "Wait Until Next Year?" __Yes

    7. Are you ready to admit that:

    a. Joe Dimaggio was better than Ted Williams __Yes
    b. Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk __Yes
    c. Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciapara
    __Yes __No
    d. Don Zimmer is a mangerial genius __Yes
    e. The Red Sox will be no better in the 21st century
    __Yes __No

    Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Yankee Stadium.
    Then burn all of your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and
    associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club
    will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.

    If accepted, you will receive:

    * A recommended recuperation program, including a recording of Frank
    Sinatra singing "New York, New York"
    * An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2002 World Series at Yankee
    * An "I've Come to my Senses" Yankee T-shirt
    * Chuck Knoblauch's new video, "Illusions: How to Almost Catch Balls and
    Tag Runners"
    * Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms, complete with their
    championship rings
    * A dart board sporting a picture of Dan Duquette
    * A copy of our ever popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans For Fun and
    * A coupon for future posters of Pedro Martinez and Nomar Garciaparra in a
    Yankee uniform
    * A one year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox fans in
    your area

    If Rejected, you will receive:

    * Our pity and condolences, plus a 25 second video capturing the past 100
    years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition against
    the Yankees, narrated by George "Boomer" Scott