Discussion in 'General Industry Related Topics' started by justme, Aug 31, 2006.
We should all move east
Telling her isn't necessarily a mistake but it sure is a huge risk, even with the fact that she's accepted other parts of your past without it bothering her. You were wise to at least hesitate in being honest with her about it. Prostitution has a stigma associated with it which is much worse than some past drug use (depends on the substance/frequency of course), and strip clubs/extras aren't even in the same ballpark.
Whether you should come clean? A personal choice but I wouldn't risk it. What's really to be gained? I don't think most women are equipped to understand why you'd see a provider, as cool as they might be.
For what it is worth, I don't even tell most of my guy friends about my hobbying because 1) they wouldn't understand 2) think less of me that I didn't score freebies more often or 3) they'd use it against me.
Just my 2 cents. Unfortunately, not nearly enough to see my "date" tonight. I guess I'll hit the ATM.
I'm usually the one pointing out hot girls to my SO.
Been there, done that.
You guys need to date more bisexual women.
And if you had a crystal ball and knew you were going to die today would you prefer being burned to death or dying in your sleep. The answer is it is a stupid question.
I would think women wouldn't want their men to cheat on them at all.
As far as "most people here haven't had totally honest relationships" and implying that "it's no surprise that the idea of one wouldn't be met with the best reception" - the reason may that totally honest relationships are a bad idea and that's why the idea hasn't been met with the best reception.
You are at a party with your wife or gf and a very attractive woman with nicer tits, firmer ass and bigger juicy lips than your wife, walks into the room. You think " Wow I would really like to fuck her tonight".
Even though you are careful, your wife catches you sneaking a glimpse at her - what do you say to your wife:
A) Wow I would really like to fuck her tonight. (totally honest answer)
B) See that woman standing to the right of Joe? You don't have a blouse like that and I really think with your figure it would really look good on you. (total BS told with a smile while looking lovingly into her eyes. )
IMHO, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by admitting this part of your past. Now that she's asked once, is it even likely that she'll ask again? Put it behind you.
Hummm...If you have been honest with her to point, why not go further? She accepted the strippers, extras, and drugs...which are all taboo as far as society goes. Do you really think a woman of that calibur hasn't already thought of the possibility of paid sex? A woman that open is hardly naive. If you dig her, spill it. She will respect you in the morning.
And besides, her type is hard to find and complete honesty is even more so. If its staring you in the face, fucking take it. It is rare, enjoy it.
And Monk- Totally honest relationships happen....as humanly possible, that is.
Whether she'd take it OK or not is somewhat moot. I tend to think she would. She knows about a lot of other things that would upset other people, and she took those things in stride.
What really surprised me was my reaction - the fact that it wouldn't even have crossed my mind to have been honest about that when I had been honest about everything else.
See, I've had conversations with women who say that, if their husband were to cheat on them, they'd rather it be with a prostitute than in an affair. With a prostitute it's just about sex, while an affair can be much more dangerous to the relationship.
Obviously on this board, most people here haven't had totally honest relationships (myself included). So it's no surprise that the idea of one wouldn't be met with the best reception. That said, it might do all of us some good.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, has ghosts in their closet. Some are like Casper, others are like Satan. It's best to leave them in the closet and hide the key.
and that's why this man is a genius. women are insecure, neurotic, nut cases. If they get jealous over your ex-gfs, how do you think they'll react when you tell them about the prostitutes.
1. You don't want a totally honest anything. Take the famous "Sweetheart, does this dress make me look fat?"
2. She and the relationship can never handle it. she may say she can but she doesn't mean it.
3. The only rewards you will reap is the vision she will have in her head of you visiting a prostitute in the past. She will never forget it and will bring it up during some argument about how you forgot the anniversary of the 1st time you went out dancing or something equally inane "I bet you didn't forget the 1st time you did that hooker - yet you forgot special date for me - you bastard!"
I made the mistake of telling a new girlfriend that I had seen a prostitute on a regular basis after she told me of some casual heroin use on her part. I felt I owed her complete honesty in exchangefor her revelation and I guess maybe I was testing the strength of the relationship in some way. Big mistake. It bothered her alot and I think she never really felt the same about me after that. Most if not all women are very turned off at the very idea of that their boyfriend patronized prostitutes in the past, let alone the present. Some of it is STD/health concerns but I think the fact that you payed for it diminishes you morally and yes sexually in their eyes.
I guess I disagree in this way: it would be a "selfish act" if you cheated on her and then told her so that it was no longer on your conscience. But you never cheated on her. You're simply talking about past indiscretions. And if you want the relationship to be totally honest, baring your soul to her wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. In a marriage, when one partner admits an affair to the other, the other party has been lied to. So confessing is selfish because you're unnecesarily hurting the other person. That's not the case here. So I don't think you should consider it selfish and consider discussing this openly. But only if you think that she, and the relationship, can handle it. After all, sometimes taking a risk in a relationship can reap rewards.
I understand that you have this need to get it all out in the open with her. It's just that there is no need to tell her. And telling her may mess up the relationship a bit.
I'd told someone I used to see about it and she seemed to shrug it off. Next time we had a fight - she threw it back in my face. Now throwing it back is fine - we were fighiting after all. But that kind of told me that it bothered her or she thought less of me.
After getting married I did tell my wife about 'past' adventures. I think it had come up when we were talking about how did you satisfy yourself. She too felt a bit odd but had sort of coaxed it out of me. And later said that she was relieved it was that way. I figure it showed that those encounters were just physical.
decide wether the chemistry will become more or less balanced after you tell her. If in doubt - I would not tell her.
Just to clarify, I'm not talkinga bout denying things that I'm doing now or even that I've donw while I knew her. I completely agree with the notion that coming clean about this kind of thing is more or less a selfish act. I'm fairly familiar with the rules of maintaining a secret life.
What I'm talking about is lying about things that I did years ago. What never really occured to me is that secret lives are more perpetual than we might first be inclined to believe. I've paid for sex no more than twice over more than a two year period. I'm pretty much done with the whole thing (I hope). But there's this legacy that I still have to deal with.
What surprises me is that I can talk freely and openly about a lot of other things that I did in the past, but that I am continuing to lie about prostitution.
When this place is great, that's what makes it great.
Agreed heartily. That cleansing is a selfish act. Unless you definitely know, know - not believe, that it won't matter - you could end up hurting the other person terribly.
I feel that this 'uncleansed' self state is a burden that you have to carry.
(I'm not really one to get offended about you asking a 'personal question' in response to a 'personal post.')
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