Fuckin' French

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by cst, Feb 10, 2003.

Draft saved Draft deleted
  1. panzerhund

    panzerhund

    Messages:
    195
    PARIS
    A great city............too bad so many french live there
  2. SkellyChamp

    SkellyChamp

    Messages:
    2,000
    Our Ally...France



    THE AMERICAN'S GUIDE TO FRANCE:
    France is a medium-sized foreign country situated
    in the continent Of Europe.

    It is an important member of the world community, though
    not nearly as important as it thinks.

    It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some
    smaller nations of no particular importance and
    with not very good shopping.

    France is a very old country with many treasures, such
    as the Louvre and Euro Disney.

    Among its contributions to western civiliZation are
    champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.

    Although France likes to think of itself as a modern
    nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next
    to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food.

    One continuing exasperation for American visitors is
    that local people insist on speaking in French, though
    many will speak English if shouted at.

    Watch your money at all times.

    THE PEOPLE
    France has a population of 57 million people. 52
    million of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million
    are small children).

    All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously
    over sexed, and have no concept of standing patiently
    in line.

    The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental,
    proud, arrogant, aloof and disciplined; those are their
    good points.

    Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you
    would hardly guess it from their behavior.

    Many French are communists.

    Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel,
    and they kiss each other when they meet.

    American travelers are advised to travel in groups and
    wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier
    recognition.

    SAFETY
    In general, France is a safe destination, although
    travelers must be aware that from time to time it is
    invaded by Germany.

    Traditionally, the French surrender immediately.

    A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the
    English Channel has been opened in recent years
    to make it easier for the French government to
    flee to London during future German invasions, and for
    them to offload all their illegal immigrants.

    HISTORY
    Charlemagne discovered France in the Dark Ages.

    Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the
    Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de
    Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an
    airport.

    GOVERNMENT
    The French form of government is democratic but
    noisy. Parliament's principal occupation is setting off
    atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant
    and surprised when other countries complain.

    According to the most current American State department
    intelligence, the President is now someone named
    Jacques. Further information is not available at this
    time.

    CULTURE
    The French pride themselves on their culture,
    though it is not easy to see why. All their music
    sounds the same and they have never made a movie that
    you would want to watch for anything but the nude
    scenes.

    CUISINE
    Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it,
    a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back.

    Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although
    it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this
    word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to
    cheeseburgers.

    ECONOMY
    France has a large and diversified economy, second only
    to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the
    French hardly work at all.

    If they are not spending four hours dawdling over
    lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with
    their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports,
    in order of importance to the economy, are wine,
    nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne,
    guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack
    aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

    PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
    France has more holidays than any other nation in the
    world. Among It's 361 national holidays are:
    197 Saints' days,
    37 National Liberation Days,
    16 Declaration of Republic Days,
    54 Return of Charles de Gaulle-in-triumph-as-if-he-won-the-
    war-single-handed Days,
    18 Napoleon-sent-into-Exile-Days,
    17 Napoleon-Called-Back-from-Exile-Days,
    and
    2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World Stinks" Days.

    CONCLUSION
    At least it's not Germany.
  3. Reel Deal

    Reel Deal

    Messages:
    1,133
    One Thing You Can Say About The French:

    They are always there when they need us...
  4. cst

    cst

    Messages:
    301
    France, as a member of NATO, who has pledged the security of all member states has now vetoed a proposal in the current NATO conference which would offer support to Turkey in the event there is retalition from Iraq for use of Turkish bases for UN (I mean US) action against Iraq for their ongoing violations.

    Fucking unbelievable!! NATO has protected their sorry asses in Europe for the past 50 years, even tho they have thumbed their noses and withdrawn from the group but were allowed to return.

    The greatest danger to the US now is not the rogue states, it's the malaise of our partner states which will allow activities such as 9/11 to continue.

    Do you think they would be so reluctant to just stand there if it were the Eiffel Tower and the Le Louvre the ones attacked instead of landmarks in the USA?

    I don't want to wish death or harm on any peoples, but if there is to be another terror attack against Western ideals and decadence due to these delays, I hope it is on their soil and not ours. Then we'll delay calling for an attack while we try to find out why do people hate the French so much.