I Ran Out Of Excuses

Discussion in 'New York' started by jaydee, Jan 29, 2003.

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  1. Hot Dog

    Hot Dog

    Messages:
    368
    daengman,
    I know this is a dead thread but to quote sliknky the "Irony meter shot off the scale........." My hat is goes off to you,lol
    HD
  2. daengman

    daengman

    Messages:
    3,493
    why not take up fishing?

    fishing trips can give you a lot of time, and you will be away from a phone. tell her you leave your cell in the car so it doesn't get wet or fall in the water and get lost.

    tell her it relaxes you and relieves stress.

    some of your hobbying expenses can be explained as cost for going out on a charter boat.

    on your first "fishing trip", make sure that you get your gear dirty and smelly. and repeat every 4 or 5 "fishing trips".

    early-on, insist that she go with you on a trip. Take her on a miserable day. Make sure that she gets dirty, smelly and bored.
    be sure that she is the only female on the trip. Make her handle the slimy fish that are caught. Hope that she gets seasick. If the trip is miserable for her, she will never want to go again, but tell her over and over again what a great time you are having. Tell her that for you fishing is better than sex.

    every second or third "trip" stop at a seafood store (not one that she would be familiar with or would ever visit) that has really fresh fish, not cut up. Buy one or two, tell her you caught it(them). Any wrapping, packaging or bagging they give you, discard it immediately after leaving the store and wrap it in newspaper that you bring. Make sure that the fish you buy is a type that you actually could have caught whereever you were fishing. On Long Island, one place to go would be the fishing piers in Freeport.

    Have her prepare the fish you "catch", after all why waste the money and many fish are heart healthy.

    For those that don't have a lot of time, find a convienient pier, lake, beach or cove where you can conviently fish for an hour or two on the way home from work every so often.

    Coming home from a fishing trip, is a good reason to dash into the shower as soon as you get home before she gets too close to you.

    Show her your serious, get a fishing license. Subscribe to Field and Stream. At some point, buy (or borrow) a really big fish and get your picture taken while holding it with your gear at your side.
    If you buy the fish, have it stuffed and mounted and hang it on a wall at home. If the fish is big enough, when it is stuffed, have the taxidermist create a secrete compartment where you can hide hobby related items such as phone numbers, condoms, etc.

    if you do all the above and perhaps a few other things I left out, you will be free to ......HOBBY! HOBBY! HOBBY!!!!!!!
  3. BorderlineNY

    BorderlineNY

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    7
    Thanks. Done.
  4. kennylingus

    kennylingus

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    13
    Uh, Borderline...you might wanna edit the address out of that post?
  5. BorderlineNY

    BorderlineNY

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    7
    Tell the truth . . .

    Rub dirt on your shoes, and get some wet grass clippings to stick to the sides. Say to your wife, "Sorry I'm late, I was off having sex on a public couch at a loft on xxth Street in front of lots of guys who share notes on the Internet." She'll look at your shoes and say, "You dirty lying bastard! You've been playing golf with your friends again!"

    Sorry, old joke. But some variation on the truth works well. Establish a pattern of really having to work late, biz dinners, etc. An occassional extra won't seem out of place.

    Or get your wife to work at f/stop; kill 2 birds with one stone.
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2003
  6. Jimmy69

    Jimmy69 My IQ is room temperature

    Messages:
    252
    I usually get my hair cut every two weeks. After that I go "shopping." Of course, this is only on Saturdays. During the week, I hobby in the daytime when I'm off from work. If I'm not home when she calls, I was washing the car or shopping.

    Everytime she's home, however, I'm always with her...
  7. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    Once in a while my wife asks me what I did during the day.
    When Im home, I pester her alot at work, this way when I dont call her, shes happy as all hell that Im not home and bored as shit.
    When she does ask, I simply tell her the truth.
    Typical conversation at 5 pm with her on one of these days.
    Her:Whats doing? How was your day?
    Me:pretty nice
    Her What did you do all day, I hardly heard from you.
    Me:Well, in the Morning, I drove (I dont tell her huntington) to my favorite gf house and spent 3 hours fucking her.
    Then, on the way home, I drove to my other(UTR) gfs house in Queens, and spent a few hours fucking her.
    And if you go out tonight, Ill spend a few hours in blkyn at my other gfs house fucking her.
    Her:You must be pretty tired
    Me:Damn straight
    Her:What do you want to do for dinner?
    Me:Whatever you want.

    She just completely ignores me. She finds me hilarious.
    (btw, not gfs house, but I tell her that.atf providers)
  8. sean960

    sean960

    Messages:
    523
    Try this !

    Tell her to get a boyfriend,so shes not home when you sneak out.
    Just kidding,try the Home Depot thing,and come home with a new screwdriver
  9. prothead69

    prothead69

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    39
    Costco has sales on Hermes ties?
  10. Hot Dog

    Hot Dog

    Messages:
    368
    If you work in an office Jack hit the nail on the head (no pun intended) or I work late all the time. My wife doesnt even give it second thought when I show up at home 10pm. Just call from your office telling her you are working late. If she call's your desk you dont answer just say you were working in a conference room. Dont forget to check your office voice mail before you go home.
  11. genius

    genius

    Messages:
    7,614
    Re: Gain without Pain

    By far the best especially if you work out 4 or 5 times a week. You walk out of the house with a gym bag loaded with everything you need for the gym plus any extra stuff you need in the shave bag. When you get home you are freshly showered with all evidence washed away. Just make sure the gym was open while you were "there". This is particularly good for weekends during the day.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2003
  12. jack sprat

    jack sprat

    Messages:
    783
    depends what kind of work you do. it is much easier to concoct an excuse for coming home a bit late from work than it is to think of a reason for leaving home during the evening/weekend.

    as an executive, i could always say that i had to see a client, chat with someone in the organization, attend a meeting, etc.
  13. SkellyChamp

    SkellyChamp

    Messages:
    2,000
    Hobby during the weedday makes it easy. Used to run out of the office anytime between 11:00 and 3:00 and run over to Second Avnue Affair and if JC wasn't seeing Martine..... Did same thing when I worked around the corner from Tiffany's. Proximity probably explains why I spent an amount equal to the GNP of any third world nation every year during the 80's.

    For nightime fun, when I was active, my wife knew that I had several friends I went to dinner with and then tittie bars. She never had a problem with that (still doesn't). Always figured if going to look would keep me from straying what the hell.

    So I just told her that I was at Scores, Flashdancers, etc. Never had to worry about going home smelling like some girl, with cumstains, etc. Best cover in the world.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2003
  14. optimist

    optimist

    Messages:
    291
    Gain without Pain

    I tell her I was at the gym.
    Which is just about always true because often I go there after a session and relax in the hot tub, sit in the steam room, and take a shower.
    Once home, I can attribute my serenity to a good work out and I smell good.
  15. betty_snj

    betty_snj

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    6,175
    I know few...

    I have a bunch of clients who needs excuses all the time.
    Here some hints:
    . buy some inexpensive tool sets and keep them in your trunk. When you get home a hour later, carry one of the sets with you, put in a very visible place so she can see and when she asks THE question "where were you?" point to the bag an say "just at the Home Depot. Needed some stuff to fix the closet door"(or any other repair job for the house).
    . I have some clients who plays golf everywhere, so the "golfing" excuse is what they use. Wherever I go and I see a golf course, I stop in to get some brochures. I keep a whole bunch in my car and when one of my golfing clients books me, I make sure they take one of the brochures home so they can have a good excuse.
  16. daro

    daro in loco CM

    Messages:
    2,264
    jaydee, sounds like your S/O is Peter Falk's offspring. Any
    excuse you give her will be investigated. A weekly poker game
    is a good one. It would explain the loss of funds. Going to
    the racetrack one night a week is a great one. Also loss of funds.
    Keep it very simple. Not complicated. It's more believable.
    Problem is S/O's aren't crazy about guys who gamble.
    They like money too much. Most addicted gamblers hate money.
    If you're company has season sports tickets, you can always go to a game. But then she may watch the game, hoping to spot
    the love of her life, in the stands. I always wondered what BS
    you married guys tell your S/O's, to keep them in the dark.
  17. Bill Furniture

    Bill Furniture Flounder

    Messages:
    10,182
    Re: My sure-fire excuses

    I don't think excuse #5 would go over too well.:rolleyes:
  18. pswope

    pswope One out of three

    Messages:
    4,036
    My sure-fire excuses

    1. going to get my oil filter changed
    2. going to Costco,they have a sale on Hermes ties
    3. going to Arby's,they have a 2 for 1 special on roast beef (nearest Arby's is 33 miles from my home)
    4. Going to ****** Tavern : Ipswich is playing West Ham
    5. Getting 2gether w/ my whoring buddies for a god d dinner and a night of debauchery.
    6. There's a Watteau Exhibit at the Met
    7. Going to KMI to get my hambone boiled.
  19. greekgirlinnj

    greekgirlinnj in loco CD

    Messages:
    3,718
    are u a sports fan

    do u like to play poker

    i need hints to what u like to do silly
  20. jaydee

    jaydee

    Messages:
    49
    i see providers at least once a week
    my siginficant other is 26
    its not a trust issue its just that she ask where i was i need to answer her i just cant walk away

    any help would be greatly appreciated