ISO Pro Submissive

Discussion in 'BDSM / Domination / Power Exchange' started by rough1, Jun 6, 2006.

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  1. puffin

    puffin

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    3,349
    I believe arielarust is a sub, she is tossing up a lot of ads under casual encounters. Tags like "writer seeks 200 reasons". Going by the name "milk"now. I never partook -- google her blog and you can guess why. Not too upscale looking.
  2. Doc07

    Doc07

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    104
    Absolutely. Being a effective Dom takes a lot of time, energy and imagination. It's not just "put these handcuffs on and I'll fuck you hard" coming up with new and interesting situations and scenarios which challange and excite you and the sub is very time consuming and takes a lot of imagination. But the pay off is worth it...
  3. marcinny

    marcinny

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    6,579
    Interesting enough, I have found more options among civilians (some kind of closeted subs) just by chatting online than among pros in New York.

    The game could be thrilling, bit sincerely I have no patience to become a true dom. I have helped my ATF develop her sub side with me and I love it, but this is only integrated within a normal provider session.

    I have met at least met two or three civilians over the years, after months of conversation on-line. I had had a few fantasy domination sessions on-line with them. So when one would happen to be in New York, we would meet. It's not for me. I lack the discipline and the time.

    Somewhat I find it easier being a sub, in the sense that you follow the lead. You don't need to think of dungeon-like environments, wouldn't care about working with the ropes, etc. I assume planning the domination strategy from a psychological point of view and executing it could be entertaining. I just feels the routine setting in and anything routine horrifies me.

    Am I making sense?
  4. marcinny

    marcinny

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    6,579
    Interesting that the guy above (private_sub) has 0 posts despite the one in this page of the thread.
  5. UG Staff

    UG Staff Staff

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    2,358
  6. engima

    engima

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    50
    The Search Continues

    While some may argue the effort in maintaining D&S submission is hard, finding a good female sub seems to be harder..
    Ah the search continues
  7. hotmax

    hotmax

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    1
    any subs around tomorrow

    Looking for a sub to meet tomorrow (thursday)

    Anyone know of any available?
  8. private_sub

    private_sub

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    0
    I'd argue that dominance is the gift. It takes a lot of energy, work, discipline for a dom to control a complex sub. I also fully agree w/ Thorn that "trust issues" exist on both sides, hence why long-term D/s relationships are so rare. To some extent, I also believe those that are 'wired' this way are so due to good and bad life experiences. Most doms have had obstacles to overcome in life that make them self-disciplined, focused, to some degree, control freaks/perfectionists, yet those are the traits a wayward or untamed sub. needs. Just my take. Many different facets/personalities within this realm.
  9. magicfingersny

    magicfingersny

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    2,122
    private sub and all others. I need to correct a statement I made in a previous post in this thread. I was reminded I had forgotten about a fairly new section on UG called Personals which allows members to make a connection through the Administrator. (Please read all the rules in the Sticky at the top of that section, which are strictly enforced) I have an ad posted so please feel free to read as you choose and definitely respnd if something catches your interest.
    Magic
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008
  10. magicfingersny

    magicfingersny

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    2,122
    Excellent interchange Thorn & private sub. I was writing at length in response to your posting and went to bring in a link and everything poofed off into cyber space & it didn't back up so I need to start over. Breifly thoguh I agree and am a Dominant ype person as well as opposed to one who was actively involved in the lifestyle both publicly and privately, but now have retiredfrom the public realm. Submission is a gift given and accepted. It should never be an act of weakness but one of strength and trust. I have always sought my partners in the NP4P arena. Submission is something that can't be bought. Roleplay perhaps but never voluntary submission
    Much more to follow!
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008
  11. Thorn

    Thorn

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    7,772
    Totally understood on the motivational difference between capitulation due to the need to please vs the need to relinquish control.

    The sub must find a dom that they are not only emotionally and physiologically compatible with but, no matter the motivation, someone who they can place enough trust in to be able to 'let go'.

    I find that you state you have never fully trusted anyone to be interesting. Many people of the Dominant personality type I know, including myself, state the same thing.

    It is possible that "trust issues" play a significant role in the make up of the individuals that find themselves drawn into this mode of behavior.

    I am not a "life style" Dom. It is simply a way of being with me. I don't require total subservience nor am I interested in props. I seek out tokens of trust which please me no end when I receive them and give me cause to want to reward the person giving them to me and deny my attention and or resources when they are refused. I acknowledge free will as a right of every individual I meet. In that the giving of such "tokens" are made precious. Trust taken, not given, is valueless in my estimation because it isn't actually trust at that point at all.

    In such regard I consider myself a "dominant personality type" as opposed to an actual Dom. However when positioned next to others who are more into playing a role than understanding a way of being I am closer to the actual article than they may lay claim to. :)
  12. private_sub

    private_sub

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    0
    Interesting perspective. I agree w/ most of it. Personally mine is self-serving as I crave relinquishing control, it's not about a dire need to get on my knees and please. Many subs are service-oriented and want to please their man. My submission is about a need to be controlled. Big difference. I have enough control in my professional life. Letting go of that is cathartic, peaceful, etc. Trust is key, no question, but I have never fully trusted anyone, yet can still be controlled to a high degree and 'trust enough' that he's capable of handling it. I am sure some subs. have had bad experiences. I think it's a function of choosing the wrong dom, not being aware of their own needs, or low self-esteem.
  13. Thorn

    Thorn

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    7,772
    Addendum to above...

    BTW, that the sub is a fully functional, strong willed, person is a decided plus in that a weak willed person isn't showing trust in such a relationship so much as an inability to think for themselves.

    A person capable of making their own decisions but instead capitulating to the will of another in deference to their desire to please that person is evidence of trust beyond measure.
  14. Thorn

    Thorn

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    7,772
    Let me take a crack at it...

    A strong willed man who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and existing without you entirely, yet he wants you in his life. That want he has for you in his life is directly proportional to the need you have for him in your life.

    That you NEED his attention, and crave it to the point where it may draw negative consequences for misadventure or misbehavior is an aspect of both your psychology and sexuality.

    He shows his affection by giving you his undivided attention even if that takes the form of his request that you pay attention to others as a token of your devotion to him [the duality and complex nature of the situation as you describe above]. Your trust in him to know your limits and not exceed them is absolute, even though he may push you to the very outer extremes of those limits from both a psychological and physical standpoint. You know his caring for you is the source of his desire to test you in such regards, and the care he takes in doing so.

    This isn't a "Life Style" as such but it is more a way of being. In it, when it is right, you find comfort in the form and function of a way of known boundaries and known costs for crossing them, the worst of which would be his no longer feeling his want for you because you no longer trusted [needed] him.

    It is the function of the sub to truly need to trust someone.

    It is the function of the Dom to truly want to be trusted.
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2008
  15. private_sub

    private_sub

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    0
    You're only going to receive my perspective. You will get 1000s of different answers depending on who you ask. It's very individual depending on the parties involved. I have never stepped foot inside a club/fetish scene, have no interest in a man dressed in leather. I am hard-wired this way, and it is only brought to the surface by a dominant man who is also hard-wired this way. Chemistry/connection, etc. dictates. I don't relate to 90% of the bdsm community as they are basically kinksters, roleplayers, etc. I don't judge people's kinks -- to each their own. All I know is that I respond well to a strongER minded man who can dominate through sexual AND mental control. It provides me w/ a sense of peace/balance. Hard to articulate exactly. A lot of contradictions. I suppose you could say I am dichotomy of sorts, assertive socially/professionally yet compliant, obedient under the right control. I don't think I have ever taken it to the level majic talks about, but I definitely get into "subspace" where I just react/obey and it's euphoric and a major stress release. Shuts my mind off. Sometimes a harsh spanking, slap across the face, or just verbal reprimands can put me there. Anyway, not sure if you're playing around or genuninely curious. If it's the latter, read some material. I would guess that if you need to 'find out' if you're dominant, then you're probably not. Or maybe you just enjoy the idea of role play, or dominating a woman sexually. That's normal for most men, but would majic describes takes it to another level --- mainly mental but manifested through the physical. Very misunderstood. I live and function well in the mainstream world, and no one would ever suspect this side of me, hence why I found this site as I was googling "pro submissives", etc. just to see what came up. I am not here looking for $. The logic was that if someone is paying for a sub. then more than likely they have a "need" for this as well. If you're fishing for sexual details ("concrete examples" as you put it) there is tons of material on the net that can satisfy your curiosity.
  16. SirF

    SirF

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    908
    Magicfingers - I may have been wrong, in which case I apologize the OP. But there is just so much BS that people tell, its hard to know truth from trolls. I have all the appreciation in the world for anybody who has no differing views from mine. Just kidding. Seriously, private sub, welcome here if you are legit. Buzz off, if you are a troll.....BTW, what defines a good dom? Can you give some more concrete examples? I may be a diamond in the rough..., who knows....
  17. private_sub

    private_sub

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    0
    Thanks majic. For the record I am sincere and I know you sense that. It sounds like you understand the dynamic. I highly doubt I would ever go through w/ doing this professionally. That said, you'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find an 'evolved' dominant man who is not into the silly scene, and truly understands how to take control of a strong yet deeply submissive woman. Outside of my previous relationship I have tried alt.com, craigslist, and other bondage sites but a complete waste of time as most are fakes, flakes, and I don't relate to the BDSM community. I am around alpha finance types all day long and though they think they are naturally dominant, they have no clue what this type of dominance entails. I am aware, just frustrated. I am sure those that pay for the services of a quality submissive have just as strong of a craving for control as I do for submission.
  18. magicfingersny

    magicfingersny

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    2,122
    You are taken seriously. YOu will only be banned or kicked off for a violation of rules, so Please go to START HERE AND READ & REREAD!

    Private sub. I am an experienced Real Time Dom & I often try to explain to those outside the community that the exchange of power and trust can be incredibly erotic and the scene is not about abuse or treating someone like a doormat. It is based on trust & ideally builds through releasing endorphins thorugh various means, so the sensation transcends pain and is pure stimulus. Ideally you achieve a trance like state of grace know as "Subspace". All you senses are heightened. It takes someone with experience to not only bring you up, but to maintain you safely, checking circulation, hydration,and state of awareness. Aftercare is just as important, wherein you are brought down slowly,and warmth,contact, hydration and assurances of safety are essential as well as awareness of surroundings
    If you wish to approach this from a professional perspective, than you will need to advertise, just as other providers do, which affords you an etra measure of privileges. FOR INFORMATION ON ADVERTISING contact [*****]service@utopiaguide.com[/*****].
    I am a co-moderator of this thread and welcome you here.
    EHHa this is anything but bogus and your comments and those from SirF are unwarranted and out of line here. Read the disclaimer and instruction at the beginning of this section. It is unfair and out of line to put down something you obviously don't understand!
    SirF if I am not mistaken you have posted some very strong views in another thread. I did not comment on your thoughts and convictions whether I understood them or not & how they influenced your participation in hobbying. As far as being low skilled. IMHO amdsome 30+ years experience, that would work against you as a submissive can be seriously injured, maimed or even killed by someone who doesn't know what they are doing, or gets carried away in their roleplay. I could expound on many areas , and gave a few simple examples above!
    BTW THERE IS NO PROVISION FOR DIRECT COMMUNICATION BETWEEN BOARD MEMBERS THROUGH THE BOARD, SO PLEASE DON'T EVEN TRY
    Advertisers of course can post contact information after there advertsing is approved by APM!

    Your questions are welcome and perhaps some of the myths surrounding "Another Way to LOVE" can be adressed and explained!
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2008
  19. SirF

    SirF

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    908
    sounds like crap to me too....
  20. EHHa

    EHHa

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    230
    don't hold your breath

    it's all bogus, but funny string