Korean Newspaper Translations

Discussion in 'NJ/NY/CT Massage / Spa' started by metellier, Feb 27, 2003.

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  1. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    I'm exhausted doing all this work...

    ...but I know my brother UGers need these updated translations.
    I can see some of you are being fooled by bait & switch operators:

    Hot off the NY Press...translated to Anglais from the Original Korean:

    "NYC's Finest Spa"-- means its run by LE.

    "Best Massage"--typographical error. Should have been 'beast massage"
    and yes, you will get Chung Ho Lee for this.

    "Chair Massage"--means "we also do upholstery"

    "All Asian Staff"--typographical error. Correct spelling is "staph".

    "Major Credit Cards Accepted"-- means "we accept them. We just don't
    give them back"

    "All Services Provided by Young Asian Professionals"-- incomplete phrase if
    "professionals" is meant as an adjective...if it's a noun, we get it...

    "Experienced Female Asian"- ambiguous--can indicate experience being
    a female or experience being Asian. Either way, you get Chung Ho Lee.

    "7 days By Appointment"-- means "we pick up when we pick up."

    "Relieve Stress & Impotence"--refers to your impotence and their stress.

    "Japanese Shiatsu"--means Korean R&T

    "Chinese Tui Na" --means Korean R&T w/o shower

    "Foot Reflexology"-- means "if you short us on a tip, then Chung Ho Lee
    will break every bone in your feet."

    "Grand Opening"- means "virgin on premises and it'll cost a grand"

    "Try It Once"- means "you will never come back"

    "Hot Stone Massage"-- means"if you short us on a tip, then Chung Ho Lee
    will stone you to death"

    "Increase Metabolism"-- means "your heart rate will increase and you will try to run when you are assigned to Chung Ho Lee"

    "Body Treatment"-- means "Chung Ho Lee will tackle you if necessary"

    "Comfortable Atmosphere"-- means "we only cook kimchee twice a day"

    "Pampering Treatments"-- S&M reference. For $50.00 extra, you get
    Chung Ho Lee in a diaper.

    "Aggressive Enema & Colon Treatments"-- dialect-- means "we scare
    the shit outa you"

    "Many to Pick From"-- means "no matter who you pick...you get Chung Ho

    "Where Dreams Become Reality"-- means "you can dream all you like.. but
    you get Chung Ho Lee"

    "Rapid Dispatch"-- means "we have to get there before you sober up
    and change your mind"

    "To Your Door"-- means "if you check your peephole & see Chung Ho Lee instead of whatever we promised to send, there's still a chance you can get out using the fire escape"

    "Fulfill All Your Fantasies...Residential"-- means "we charge enough to
    buy a house".

    "Exotic"--means "we couldn't think of a goddamn thing to say"

    "Sensuously Stacked Asian"-- means "now that Chung Ho Lee has gained more weight, we deliver her on a pallet"

    "Young Models & Artists"-- dialect--refers to "model prisoners" and "scam artists"

    "Sweet-Smelling Asian Princesses"--means "you get Chung Ho Lee
    chewing Juicy Fruit gum instead of Red Hot for a $100 extra"

    "Special Girl"-- means "too ugly to describe further"

    "Two Girls: Watch Them/Join Them/Enjoy"- means "we will send you
    Chung Ho Lee and her sister; both of whom are really ugly but we are
    hoping that in all the confusion, you won't notice"

    "We Take You to the Limits & Beyond"- dialect- refers to "credit limits"

    Michel "always lookin' out for d'udder guy..especially if d'udder guy
    is Slinky" Etellier
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2003
  2. Woody


    I know Korean civilians were going to catch shit from this thread.

    Metelliar, keep up the good work.

    Haamx, my dry cleaning lady is hotter than yours, so there.

  3. Mxaah


    Shit, I started calling the lady from the Dry Clean "Chung Ho Lee "

    Damn you metellier
  4. davepc71



    Just too damn funny...
  5. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    No problemo...

    Any time- midah!!

  6. Mxaah


    THANKS ! !
  7. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    Always at your service, fellow UGers...

    I realized that eros, a subdialect of cityvibe.com dialect of Korean
    has not been translated on UG for quite some time, here's a sample of translations.
    The eros dialect is followed by the translation:

    (1) " Yoko. Beautiful girl from Japan, Yoko has a great personality.
    Very intelligent, and outgoing make her your perfect dinner date.
    She is 25 years old, 34C-24-34, black hair and brown eyes, 5'4",
    110 lbs.Incall rate: $350 / hour"
    " Chung Ho Lee from Pusan. You can DATY me. I am 34, see? I have run
    out of the dye fir my hair to be the required shade of "fake red". You can
    get me $5 for 110 LBS. (.045 per pound) As I am now weigh close to
    7,800 LBS, that works out to $350."

    (2) " Meet Brittany Saeki, a lovely Japanese - American lingerie model! Delicate and sweet 5'1'', 95 lbs., 32-23-32, with her long hair framing
    her porcelain-doll face and bedroom eyes, Brittany could stop a clock.
    Her sensual touch is a true treat for the senses…Let her bring one-of-a-
    kind romance to your evening! Outcall only Manhattan hourly rate: $380"
    -- means:
    "Meet Chung Ho Lee after a crash diet. I will not remove my underwear.
    I have no breasts whatsoever but I am deathly pale and have a face
    that can stop a clock. You will pay $400 to confirm that, therefore it
    will be a one of a kind experience for you"

    (3) "Pilar is an exotic doll mixed with Cherokee Indian and Asian.
    Her luscious curves, long jet black hair and strikingly beautiful features
    will delight you. She is an up and coming featured adult model. With her intelligence, wit, charm and warm, friendly attitude,_ you will find her
    most refreshing."
    --- means:
    "Pilar is black. No tip? She will strike you. She'll do Polaroids for the
    right $. She finished 10th grade and has an attitude. Bring

    (4) "Asia.This incredible exotic beauty has the lithe young body you
    always dreamed of getting lost in. She stands at 5'3", 110 lbs,
    34B-22-32. Quite accommodating and outgoing as well, she will take
    you beyond your own expectations. Sensuous, bold and definitely not
    the girl next door type. She stands out like a sleek red Ferrari in a
    room full of sedans! Asia's donation rates_ $250 / hour_ $200 / half hour Available Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday,12 pm to 12 am and every other Friday (February 7th).
    --- means:
    "Chung Ho Lee is now so fat you can get lost in her. I do Greek. I am
    very loud. I am larger than most motor vehicles. My schedule is
    designed around my Lamaze classes and parole meetings."

    (5) "M e i . My pictures speak a thousand words! I'll be waiting. M e i"
    " I have no English vocabulary whatsoever".

    (6) Salli . I am a sexy brunette who gives a great sensual body rub.
    I give special attention to all the essential muscles of your body. I stand
    5'8" tall, weigh 130 lbs., and I am 22 years old. My measurements are
    36C-24-37. If you are a generous, nice gentleman who likes being
    pampered, give me a call. Outcall only! I'm based in NYC. Please call for
    NJ traveling information.
    "I will massage your wallet. I'm 36, see? And shaped like a pyramid.
    I will diaper you- pampers or huggies- your choice. I also can provide
    NJ Transit Schedule Info."

    (7) " Visiting New York February 19th - March 8th! Jazzy 36B-24-36 Thai hardbody, 115 lbs., 5'3" unrushed GFE waiting for your call right now.
    I do incall and outcall, as well as travel within reason. ARE YOU DIALING
    YET? Hour in advance appointments. Overnights and multiple hours are
    fun for both or... Jazzy. Kelly I will invite my friend Kelly for extra
    company and a delightful encounter. Please check out my reviews!
    Sorry no bachelor parties, no half-hour rates. Now hiring, travel required! Jazzy"
    -- means:
    "I used to be a man. I offer Greet/ Fuck/ Exit service right now! I travel
    within reason but do incall with no reason. I have a heroin-addict-looking
    white friend who can counter. I am hiring more heroin-addict-looking white girls."

    (8) "Julie.She is 24 years old, 120 lbs.,_ 5'7" with a beautiful busty 36C
    and brunette hair.She is so nice, so friendly, so playful and so giving.Ask about her friends. All types of figures and nationalities and model type bodies.There is an All-American Sweetheart waiting for_ you.Giving the
    best in quality, sensual and fantasy time.All Manhattan Beauties. Independent, private and discreet by appointment only!Queens
    location. In / Out Julie"
    "Once again, you get Chung Ho Lee with one breast. ("a busty") If she
    is busy, you get anybody we can send. If you think you get one hour,
    that's your fantasy time. 30 minutes start-to-finish. We're strictly in and
    out. We're discreet by appointment, otherwise loud and attention-
    seeking. We are all Manhattan with a Queens location? Hint Hint)

    (9) "Empress Himiko. I am a very strict Japanese Dominant Mistress. I
    love teasing and watching My slaves try desperately to take pain for Me.
    I also enjoy thoroughly degrading My slaves or speaking Japanese to disorient them ...I have a black belt in Shaolin Temple Kung Fu. I will treat
    you like the pathetic slave that you are. Monday through Friday"
    "I am Chung Ho Lee's older sister and I am so incredibly ugly that I know
    you won't pay to see me naked, so let me try this gig. I will mumble the
    names of sushi as I try to figure out what I am doing to you. I met David Carradine once. I will mistreat you on the weekdays only. Weekends
    are another story."

    Glad I could help. Berlitz really pays off.

  8. HornySailor


    Metellier mon cheri!

    I've trying to take a shit for 20 mins now. Every other description returns me to step one. I have the laptop on my lap (well, you get the picture.) It has been impossible to get any product out so far. Missed my train. I'm late for work.

    Please have mercy! Jobs are hard to find these days.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2003
  9. popeye



    I am hurting with laugh pains, can’t even breath…. I am on the floor… this Chung Ho Lee girl very popular, she come in many flavors…. I am crying… especially the Taylor Li on the LIE…. This is precious…. I may frame this post and hang on the wall….

    Thank you thank you thank you for this Korean translation… I truly needed the laugh especially this week; it has been a tough one.

    My very best regards

    Last edited: Feb 27, 2003
  10. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    Okay, okay...but only for you, Pop!

    Lemme just preface that there are 7 principle dialects in Korean so this ain't
    easy... Pusan...Seoul...Bayside...Palisades Park...Fort Lee...32nd Street 5/6th... and cityvibe.

    The previous translations I provided were from the 32nd Street 5/6th dialect.
    These are from Luigi who speaks the city bribe.com, I'm sorry...cityvibe.com
    dialect. These were taken from his site today (God, Etellier's boss better get back soon...):

    "Asian Beauties"..... means "Here come the fake photos"

    'Asian Outcall Luigi Discount@$195/HR/FS"..... means "normal price $150"

    'Nana Specializing in Men's Delight"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee wolfing down Chicken Delight"

    '****y Girl With Men On Her Mind-24-7"..... means "you still get Chung Ho Lee
    but you can sit on her face backwards for the whole day"

    '****a 20 Yrs Old-100lbs-Outcall-Low $$$"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee who has been 100 LBS overweight for two decades.

    ''Akina Naturally Curvy Asian"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee -very fat"

    'Keri Outcall-24-7-Low Dating $$$-Credit Cards"..... means "you get Chung
    Ho Lee who is short enough to reach into your wallet to remove da ting"

    'Sabrina Wild Asian Baby Doll @ $200"..... means "for the extra $30.00
    you get Chung Ho Lee in a tiger suit"

    'Miso Supersexy Asian cutie"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee with choice of soup"

    'Alice Excellent Asian Babe-New To Metro Area"..... means "she's good at being Asian and is sought in other jurisdictions."

    'Juni, Lee, and Moon Take your pick or take us all!"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee and her two sisters and you'll like it and pay for it, you hook-nosed

    'Kameko 19Years Old-Party Slave @ $190!!!"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee but she wears a chain & roll of toilet paper" ("pot-ty slave? get it?)

    'Mina New-Pretty Asian-Excellent Dating $$$"..... means "you get old ugly
    mediocre Chung Ho Lee for $300"

    'Jeena Asian Owl Head Turns In Right Directions"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee re-enacting scenes from "The Exorcist" when you refuse to tip"

    'Sophia 20 Years Old- Takes Orders @ $200"..... means "Sophia is the girl you will speak with on the phone. However, "you get Chung Ho Lee who gives orders.

    'Sandy 18 Years Old- Very Excited"..... means understand the grammar: Sandy is old and has been very excited for 18 years" Word order is very important

    'Sara Asian Pearl"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee smelling like oysters"

    'Oriental Fantasy"..... means "Luigi made a new category to charge same agencies twice"

    'Amber Wants American Men To Be Wild With!"..... means Luigi mistranslated. Subsitute the word "wed" for the word "wild"

    'Alison New Girl-Loves Stallone-Outcall-Low $$$"..... means "Alison, a former buy, likes Rocky. Why this would interest anyone else is beyond me"

    'Marisa 18-Boy Crazy Outcall Asian Super Looker"..... means "Marisa is an 18-year old boy. The adjective "crazy" refers to "outcall Asian"

    'Sugar Super Pettite Asian Cotton Ball/Low $$$"..... means "You get Chung Ho Lee with full body hair"

    'Crystal Bi-Sexual Asian Babe-With Love Tricks"..... means "You get Chung Ho Lee with battery powered toys to shut up the wife also"

    'Mona Not Lisa, But Mona Asian Beauty"..... means "Luigi is being clever or he misspelled "mono"

    'Michelle Real Beauty-Asian Love Doll"..... means "she is inflatable"

    'Lui Horny-Super Pettite Asian Outcall"..... means "she us a munchkin, dwarf or little person"

    'Rebecca Asian Outcall Bunny-Young-Low $$$$"..... means "not that she fucks like a rabbit- she has a big nose, large ears and red eyes"

    'Apple Apple New To Big Apple"..... means "Luigi makes no sense or is a fruit"

    'Stefani AsianCutie-Movie Star Looks-Outcall"..... means "she looks a lot like
    Humprhey Bogart"

    'Monica Looking For A Few Good Men!"..... means "she fucks like a Marine"

    'Jada Super Beauty-33B-Low $$$-Earth Bound!!!"..... means "she is on the way down"

    'Abby Credit Cards-Love-Happiness-Asian Out"..... means "she feels love and happiness from credit cards until they "asian out"

    'Clare Far East Answer To Viagra-Naturally!!!"..... means "blood will flow if you don't tip"

    'Taylor I Love Long Island Wild Asian-C'C's"..... means "you get Chung Ho Lee, again in Tiger suit, this time lost on the LIE and delayed 2 hours with an attitude.

    I hope the above is helpful- midah!

  11. popeye


    ha..ha... ha....

    This was real funny. Now seriously, where is the Korean newspaper translation.... C'mon guys have a heart.... there is such a thing.... isn't there?

  12. tomnyc31


    haha, Just walked in from having 2 flats on the way home, thanks, your dictionary put me in a better mood then any beer would have!
  13. Mxaah


    You are just TOO FUNNY !!

    made my day
  14. justme

    justme homo economicus

  15. NoBiscuit


  16. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    I know UG has the Chinese ad translations already covered, but I thought that the crew could use some help translating Korean AMP/escort
    ads from the paper:

    "Prompt Service"--we get there when we get there
    "Express Service"-- see above
    "All CC's accepted"- we add $50.00
    "Open 24/7"- we pickup the phone when we pickup the phone
    "Entire Tri-State area"- Manhattan & Queens
    "All boros"- Manhattan & Queens
    "Young Asian Princesses"- old Korean dowagers
    "Satisfaction Guaranteed"-- you pay us
    "Outcalls " -incall already got busted
    "Sublimely Stacked"- incredibly fake
    "anything.com"- web page with phone number & fake pictures
    "All New Faces"- plastic surgery completed
    "Ask About Our Specials"- don't believe our quoted prices
    "...from all over Asia"- from Pusan and Seoul
    "Many to choose from"- we choose for you- whose ever available
    "Experienced staff"- old hags
    "Your fantasies fulfilled"- our cash flow enhanced
    "Stress relief"- you'll feel better when we've left
    "Curvaceous"- fat
    "Yoko"- Chung Ho Lee
    "Namiko"- Chung He Park
    "All new from Japan"- all new from New Jersey
    "Tokyo Girls"- Seoul girls
    "Incall/Outcall"- Incall not yet busted
    "--- Spa"- R&T
    "--- Private Spa"- RT maybe FS
    "Japanese Shiatsu"-- Korean R&T
    "Swedish"- -- Korean R&T
    "Deep Tissue" -Korean R&T
    "Sensual Massage"- Korean R&T
    "Sports Medical"-Korean R&T but we wear Nikes
    "Pampering"-Korean R&T
    "Traditional"-Korean R&T but we're old
    "Body Rub"- License? We don't need no stinkin' License!!
    "Independent"- agency girl
    "College students"- high school drop-outs
    "Outcalls Only"- you ain't getting the girl in the picture
    "20 years old"- in dog years
    "Role Play"- FS rate x 2
    "Body Scrub"- anal play

    It's so easy when you speak the language. Any more guys?