love is hard

Discussion in 'General Industry Related Topics' started by jras, Feb 8, 2003.

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  1. teeduke


    Leave right now or you're doomed.

    Utopia Guide is not exactly a support group for rehabbing hobbyists. Besides, you've been lurking all along. Haven't you?
  2. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker


    Your girl sounds so very cool.

    I wouldn't mind if my man got a R&T while I was not able to satisfy him. Nothing wrong with that,( just wouldnt be able to handle the idea of his dick in another girls mouth, pussy or ass) but since you made an honest effort to quit, your own hand would be best.. No one jerks you like you do anyway right?

    Now go read a book, and good luck!
  3. jras


    hey Rooster -
    Me thinks I couldn't ever hope to do better. She even knows I was a hobbyist, and still gave the green light to visit AMPs for some R'n'T if I felt the urge while we are apart. Ain't that sweet? So far I don't feel anything but an ache for her ... I'm keeping a daily journal to give to her in June. Good therapy so far. And jerking off a lot helps immensely. Howz NJ treating you?

    Thanks for the, er, moral support, brasilboy. Caramel it is!

    JC - you fuckin' crack me up. Always have. But perhaps you, HH and jl are right afterall. Why tempt fate? I guess I could just lurk. [Hi Phantom]

    jras AKA justlurking
  4. RoosterC74



    Good to see you posting again. Hope you have found exactly what you are searching for.
  5. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold


    Go away, or you'll find that I am right.

    And then you'll be alone.

    And middle aged.

    And fucked up.

    And 80 pounds heavier.

    And high all the time.

    Whereupon, I will hang a bag of vomit around your neck and torture you on slow days when I am feeling unkind.

    Do, however, read my play, Mrs. Chong's Debut, when Allen finishes putting it up and I handle my last minute edits.

    It's a fun read.

    You'll laugh.

    Laughter is good.

    Best, etc.


    P.S.: I only philander these days when I am conducting research. Being scientifically inclined has its hazards.
  6. Thorn


    Quite possibly.

    But what makes you think that being in love, and experiencing an emotional connection to someone, is sufficent in itself to break hundreds of thousands of years of mammalian evolution?

    It is ONLY in the last two thousand years that true monogamy has even risen as a concept. The mammalian biological imperatives are that female seeks mate who can provide and male seeks to spread his seed about, thus ensuring the continuence of his biological traits.

    I am NOT suggesting that the ability to reason [above simple thought] doesn't allow mankind to counter these drives with rational greater then same. I am simply stating that it is VERY possible that some men and women can't.

    Now, women are NOT prevented from seeking the best possible provider, thus meeting the need passed down though evolution to mankind from their forebearers. However, in THIS society men are denied, at least they are denied on the surface of things [which leads to a whole duplictous dichotomy that would take ages to chronical properly], the same endulgence.

    If we could just agree that LOVE and SEX are two seperate things... but that is simply too much to ever hope for...
  7. Thorn


    Re: a serious question ...

    IF hobbying is ONLY about seeking PHYSICAL gratification, like getting a facial or a back rub, then your argument holds water. In fact, such circumstances do exist.

    In an enlightened culture [which we aren't] with understanding [which we don't have] allowed for the release of such energies in a safe enviorment [as we certainly don't] what you are suggesting might be true.

    As it is decidely the case that we are jealous, frightened, less then self-aware creatures who have a desparate need to deny our physical aspects and needs [males and females alike]; it would seem to me unlikily that we ever will reach a point where a person wanting to release sexual energy with [or on] a fresh face will ever be able to, with social acceptence, meet with a person willing to provide such services for a fee.

    In this country we will simply have to settle for the circumstances for which being sexually uptight assholes will allow. Guys sneaking around, reduced to lying to their mates, and providers trying to stay off of the sex police's radar.
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2003
  8. brasilboy


    DQ - I believe the point that jras is making is that he hobbied because of what was missing in his marriage. He had an aloof, angry, uncompromising spouse. No making the ends meet. Now, with someone who is simpatica, in love with each other - who could ask for anything more. To be in love with someone, to love one another - doesn't get any better than that - ever. Mind bending body chemistry goes on - hormones, endorphins. It's a high when she walks in the room, when you look at her in the morning, when she speaks.

    jras said that he rarely sees a provider more than once - maybe this guy has a personality that needs emotional connection. To break that now could be ruinous.

    Stay home. Read. Find some way to fill the void. DON'T HOBBY!!!!! Spill caramel on your keyboard.

    Bon chance. Boa sorte!
  9. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker

    don, unfortunately my reasons for feeling this way are not professional, but rather personal, and therefore I do not wish to discuss them.

    Just believe me, it does.
  10. donquixote04


    won't you really answer?

    I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm quite willing to admit that you're right. I'd just like to understand why. I'm seriously interested in your point of view on why you think seeing providers will put jras' new relationship at risk?
  11. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker

    donquixote04, you keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.

    But when you snap back to reality, remember me.
  12. justlooking


    I want to give this the biggest DITTO I possibly can.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2003
  13. donquixote04


    a serious question ...

    Why not?


    Many hobbyists, who post here (and I think, many others who don't post) believe that physical encounters with providers allow them to meet their physical needs without the risk of an emotional attachment that might really put the "true love" relationship at risk. Yet your advice implies that even a relatively anonymous session with a provider will put jras' new relationship at risk. Why do you think this is so? After all, we have no indication that jras' hobbying had any impact on his marriage or its end. Assuming a hobbyist isn't caught (by spouse or LE) and doesn't "catch" anything, the conventional wisdom (among self-serving hobbyists) is that this is an outlet that would allow for physical satisfaction without endangering an existing long-term relationship.

    Obviously, I'll admit that if a relationship is in trouble anyway, hobbying might not be the smart way to try and "save" it.* But this is not jras' situation -- he and his new love are in a wonderful position. How would a little emotionless fling that she can't find out about harm that relationship?

    * And, even though this is true, there are also plenty of hobbyists who do decide to prolong (if not save) their marriages (e.g., "for the sake of the kids," or for financial reasons) by finding the physical elements that are missing from their marriages with visits to providers.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2003
  14. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker

    Jras, I have only one thing to say to you. It isn't the most insightful thing you will hear, but it will be probably the best advice you can get..


    You have found true love ( not an easy thing to do) Dont fuck it up by hiring a hooker.

    Do other things until you see you woman again. Keep yourself constructively occupied. Read, join a chess club, take a cooking class, go to Yankee games....but for your own sake, Dont see a hooker!

    Good luck!
  15. jack sprat

    jack sprat

    jras - good luck with the new life. don't fall off the wagon now that you've made so much progress.

    you've got to be consistent. it's a slippery slope. if you resume whoring, i'd hazard a guess that you'll also start making compromises about booze/drugs/etc and will put on weight etc.

    don't do it!!
  16. jras


    Fellow perverts and friends –

    I confess that I miss you all. At one point I feared that the Judge might be right again, that folks like us aren’t cut out for real love. Now I’m cautiously optimistic. Yeah, I’m in love, crazy wonderful all-consuming roller-coaster love; and I like it. Sure, I still hear the siren song of the hobby once in a while – like right now. The search for someone new and exciting, the thrill of a new encounter, the mind’s roar of undiluted lust, the tingling, sated afterglow of a hot session, and the ever present edge of unpredictability (hence my prior inclination to rarely see the same lady more than once). I miss the dark side, but I don’t much miss the guilt.

    I left my wife of 3 decades last June. Almost no one was surprised. She’s angry, in therapy, and fucked up as ever. The divorce is messy and ugly. Tough on the kids, even as adults. I stopped drinking and toking for a long stretch, dropped 80 lbs via exercise and diet, and look and feel better than I have in 25 years. True intimacy is possible, to my pleasant surprise. I had forgotten that some women are spontaneously affectionate and love sex as much as I do. Creating a new life has been/is demanding (and expensive), and sustaining and growing a new relationship takes a ton of fucking hard work! But goddam I feel good most of the time. Like coming out of a looonnnggg, foggy anesthesia. Now I’m getting twitchy – my love is doing research over the next several months in one of the most remote places on earth, and I won’t be able to visit her there until June! As a veteran philanderer and cheater, I’m hoping I can keep my shit together and actually remain faithful (what a concept). Fingers crossed.