Not Too Dirty Jokes....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by mr. wonderful, Jul 27, 2001.

Draft saved Draft deleted
  1. jp1064

    jp1064

    Messages:
    5,600
    that might not come up, but I'm sure as hell up tonight... try this one Josi.
  2. vaddarker

    vaddarker

    Messages:
    530
    coyote's graphics ...

    an unabashed admirer of her graphics ..emoticons or otherwise ...
    esp that girl with the chair in another thread ...
    sexyhorny
    v
  3. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    I think its called reamed cowgirl..
  4. jseah

    jseah

    Messages:
    5,195
    would that be considered reverse cowgirl?
  5. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    Well Shit, I did ask for a BIG ONE......

    [​IMG]
  6. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
  7. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    When your short of funds..well....try fishin.....
    [​IMG]
  8. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    It doesnt come up.....
  9. jp1064

    jp1064

    Messages:
    5,600
  10. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"

    "What! Are you crazy!"

    "Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

    "No! Someone might see us..."

    "It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you like it."

    "No! I said no!"

    "Baby... don't be like that."

    "Come on baby pleeeeaassseee"

    "I'm not going to give you a blow job"

    "Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?"

    Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
  11. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
    A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
    The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

    The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

    "You're wasting your time," said the boy.

    "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

    "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
  12. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
  13. Casper

    Casper

    Messages:
    8,268
    Contact info, reviews ?
  14. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
  15. CoyoteGirlJosi

    CoyoteGirlJosi

    Messages:
    1,339
  16. BklynBoy

    BklynBoy

    Messages:
    193
    Gotta love the Brits!

    An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business.

    Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up. "Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

    "I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."

    "You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

    The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

    The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

    "No," retorts the policeman as he unzips his pants and begins to take a piss too, "It's the French Embassy."
  17. jp1064

    jp1064

    Messages:
    5,600
    2 of us can just go 3 times, and one of us 4. I'll take 4.
  18. fumpton

    fumpton

    Messages:
    3,316
    Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
    used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
    what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

    {A} Almost Boobs...
    {B} Barely there.
    {C} Can't Complain!
    {D} Dang!
    {DD} Double dang!
    {E} Enormous!
    {F} Fake.
    {G} Get a Reduction.
    {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up
  19. Bill Furniture

    Bill Furniture Flounder

    Messages:
    10,182
    Twins

    Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
    boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his
    boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He
    spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from
    the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of
    the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
    suddenly in his absence.

    When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few
    things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for
    John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel
    terrible."

    Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no!
    Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old
    thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she
    smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had
    a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
    Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like
    crazy."

    "I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
    those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she
    wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her
    anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and
    she split right up the middle."

    The old woman fainted.
  20. Bill Furniture

    Bill Furniture Flounder

    Messages:
    10,182
    A trucker was driving his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. Just as he was starting down the equally steep other side, he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center of the road, making wild and passionate love.

    In total disbelief, he blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. He realised that they were not going to stop or get out of his way,so he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

    Furious, he got out of the cab and walked to the front of the truck. He looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could have been killed!"

    Eventually, the man looked up at the truck driver, obviously satisfied and not too concerned and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."