Relationships in the business

Discussion in 'General Industry Related Topics' started by ValerieXXX, Feb 12, 2001.

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  1. ValerieXXX

    ValerieXXX

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    69
    I got it Georgie. Those are still special times. :0)
  2. nj george

    nj george

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    166
    i fell for a provider once...sort of

    but it wasn't true love. we met a year and a half ago and clicked right away on a personal level. she told me me things about how she felt about me that no one had ever said about me...ever. how i was her favorite, her most special of all her special friends, how much she treasured our relationship that no one could ever hope to duplicate. for a while i wasn't sure if it was bs or not. not sure if these things she was saying to me were sincere or "paid for" whether or not she may be leading me on just to cultivate a regular client. but as i got to know her better i realized that she had a heart of gold and either meant what she said or got off on maliciously messing with my head. but there was always a small part of me that had doubt because for every nice thing she would say to me there would be 1-2 gestures thet would indicate, on the surface, otherwise. to further complicate things, we were both married. i always knew that i could never pursue a romantic relationship with her, but i just wanted to be her friend...a true friend. i had all these emotions crashing around in my head and had absolutely no control over them. the past year of my life was at times a living hell. things would either be very good or VERY VERY painful. i no longer have those feelings for her as things have happened that enabled me to get over her so to speak. but i still have very warm loving feelings towards her.and now, due to circumstances beyond my control, sadly there is a very very good chance that we will never see each other again. we still keep in touch via phone and e-mail but it is not the same. for a while i felt that i had wasted the last year of my life, pursuing a friendship that was on the verge of becoming something truely remarkable(you wouldn't believe our plans) only to have it snatched away by these circumstances. but on the other hand i learned alot about myself and what i actually felt and alot about her and what she felt. i realized that i did not need her because i loved her, but i loved her because i needed her. a big difference. not a true love at all. we shared some very special moments together, none of them sexual in nature but all of them very tender and loving. but as close as we got during those moments it never came close to the point of me considering leaving my family. i have told her this but i doubt she believes me. but after one very very special dance that we shared she could have looked at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and said "sweetie, i have $$$$$$$ in the bank, let's leave our families and run away to cancun and i will make you the happiest man on earth" and i swear i would have said thanks but no thanks. she would never admit it to me because she really does care for me and my marriage and i sincerely appreciate that, , but i know in my heart that during those special times she felt special feelings in her heart for me also. feelings that were above the kind that one would feel for a friend.
    this is just the nutshell version of my story i could go on for hours here. anyway, like i saidwhile i am "over" her and have moved on, i still have warm feelings for her. we have pissed each other off royally, and we have brought each other to the brink off tears but we both have some very special memories of our times together. now if only there was some way we could get to see each other again:(((((
    what does this have to do with "saving" a provider? nothing at all i never had any delusions of saving her even though i knew the job was killing her inside. it was/is painful for me to watch her deteriorate before my very eyes. if i could move heaven and earth to somehow save her i would....but i can't. one, because i am married and two, because she would never allow me to save her. the only one who can save her is.........herself .
    sorry for going a bit off topic, but i just saw an opportunity to vent. perhaps by some freak chance she will see this and understand how i feel. and please excuse any grammatical, spelling, or composition errors. it's 2 in the morning, i'm exhausted and i'm going to bed.......good night all
  3. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    Val,

    There is only one thing about this that I'm absolutely sure about. And that is that there is only one person who knows for sure what happened and why she did what she did, but unfortunately she has decided to hide behind emails and not answer any questions.
  4. ValerieXXX

    ValerieXXX

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    69
    Alright. Guys, no doubt, some providers ok alot play roles. I don't like that. If I am not into it, or chemistry is not right fogedaboutit!!! I like to reach a common ground, hence the chat time. It allows me to conform to YOU, by talking and connecting. It makes things that much better in the sack. That is another subject though.
    Phantom, sounds to me that she led you on! You just said she likes to be in control, some people are sick that way. I mean they get off on making people jump through hoops. I know someone like that (bygones) Some can't be saved from themselves!!!!!!!!!
    I have experienced many things and when I needed to be "saved" it is generally after a very hectic tour. I have since made the connection (hey I cured myself!!!.....lol) after starting this thread. I realise that things must change and many are right on this subject, I have the power to make this professsion anything I want it to be so why get myself to the point that it is no longer fun. What is your take?
  5. jmcurry

    jmcurry The Insider

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    485
    Phantom, that has happened to me three times, but none of those invitations ever came true. This gets back to a far more complex issue, which I will start discourse with you tonight.
  6. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    And how many providers have played a role for you were they tell you that they want to see you outside of work and that they want to come back and spend weekend with you without you having to pay?
  7. jmcurry

    jmcurry The Insider

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    485
    Dicer, you are on the money. Role play is essential for providers. They say what we want to hear, which usually contributes to the encounter being wonderful and keeps us "coming" back for more. The only problem is, after you have seen the same individual for a long time, you get to believe the hype. Compounding the difficulty is the possibility that you might actually grow to care about that provider. Taken together, these factors can overwhelm a hobbyist (an hobbyist to GC). I have once fallen for the role play, and I am now trying to dig my way out of the baggage left in the wake of that experience. As hobbyists, we must understand that play acting is a nuanced part of our perceived experiences.
  8. Ozzy

    Ozzy

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    15,725
    we ain't talking sessions......
  9. Geezy Muldoon

    Geezy Muldoon Gold

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    2,351
    nothing.

    [Edited by Judge Crater on 07-26-2001 at 11:46 AM]
  10. dicer5

    dicer5

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    61
    I don't know as much as some of you guys but some of the common theme seems to be that the women seem to tell the guys that they never this or that. Maybe, do you think this might be a part of the session thing, where the woman is trying to make the guy feel special. I am not saying this is always the case or burst anyone's bubble, but maybe that's part of the role play that women in this business naturally do.
  11. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    9,566
    I've had women that have slept with me tell me to my face that they never did. The behavior is weird, but I don't think it's all that uncommon. I've even come to believe that these outright denials of the truth are less about lying than they are about delusion (insert self-depricating joke about why a woman would need to delude herself about sleeping with me). Anyway, I think OETT's response sums it up fairly well. To add to the imagery...

    1) Don't be surprised to find lunatics in the nut house
    2) If you find yourself exclusively dealing with lunatics you may be in the nuthouse
    3) If you find yourself in a nut house it's a good idea to check what kind of jacket you're wearing
    4) Two crazy people have never made each other well.
  12. Slinky Bender

    Slinky Bender The All Powerful Moderator

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    19,480
    "I saw parts of her that few guys had"

    Must resist................
  13. One Eyed Trouser Trout

    One Eyed Trouser Trout #1 Cowboys Fan

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    2,071
    How much more evidence do you need?

    Insanity = doin the same thing over and over expecting different results.

    Give up already
  14. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    Val,

    It was not that I wanted to save her. Since I spent so much time with her, I saw parts of her that few guys had. I fell in love with not the escort, but the woman she was/is. That last time I saw her she knew how I felt about her, but it was under control because I was just having a geat time with her. Did not want to spoil the feeling.

    It all changed these two days at my shore house when she sat not two feet from me, and while looking directly at me told me the following.

    We were sitting out on the porch when she says that watching the water makes her feel so relaxed. That what she has to say is difficult for her, but she usually gets what she wants. She told me that she felt very comfortable with me because she feels that we had know each other in a previous life. She tells me that she really enjoys spending time with me so much that she wants to see me outside of work. She wants to come back and spend weekends with me without me having to pay. She asked if I understood that this does not mean we are getting married and I tell he yes I understand. Since I showed her a picture of my sister earlier, I shae the house with me sister, she asks what do I think my sister would think of her when she came to visit, I told her that I did not care what my sister would say because she would be there with me, not my sister.

    Now compare all with what I just told you she said to a previous time that I had seen her. A few months earlier I had seen her and one of her friends together. At one point she turns to he freind and says, "we fight and argue all the time as if we are boyfriend and girlfriend". She must have realized what she said and then added, "but we're not" and I thought nothing more of it.

    The point being that she was/is a very guarded person in the things she says. And yet she told right to my face that she wanted to see me outside of work and that she wanted to comeback and spend weekends with me without me having to pay.

    That first day when she told all those things I asked her about them later on in the evening. She asked what she said and I told her like I've told you here. I asked her is she meant it, she thought about it for a second and said yes.

    The next night I asked her when she would like to come back and she asked what I was talking about. I told her what she had said not once but twice the previous night and she denied ever saying any such thing. I think it would have been much better if sher just pulled out a gun at that point and shot me dead.
  15. Ozzy

    Ozzy

    Messages:
    15,725
    1eyed,

    you're in the wrong field. you should have been a shrink. great post.


    btw he knows what kill her in his mind is about. he ain't OJ.
  16. ValerieXXX

    ValerieXXX

    Messages:
    69
    OK, I have recieved e-mails as well, I do hear and understand, this is a very complex situation. Yes I do agree on all fronts that you can't save someone who does not wish to be saved. I also hear loud and clear some who have said, who am I to take away a woman's control and financial freedom, I applaud that, that shows serious respect for her.
    Phantom, I know your situation dear, you told me long ago, just ask yourself, because this was never mentioned. Was it your attempt to save this lady that might have in some way triggered your affection towards her? Could you have come across that way to maybe scare her off? Was she getting burnt out and you felt closer to her to protect her?
    I know from experience that I have some who would love to see me through this biz. I do appreciate it, as I have grown quite stressed especially in Touring situations. They can tell (i guess every one here as well) because, they become more affectionate towards me. That is a sign of caring though I know I need to finish my obligations, they never push me. The business is wonderful and I have more control in my life but when I feel that yes I am in control, sadly at many times I am not. Family can be a deciding factor especially when times are good financially. All of a sudden, I am being pushed to my limits. Of course in all fairness to everyone's honesty, I sometime wish to be "saved"

    Wow talk about laying on the sofa! I feel better already. More please! Dr Mom needs to pass perscriptions!
  17. One Eyed Trouser Trout

    One Eyed Trouser Trout #1 Cowboys Fan

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    2,071
    I've come to believe that we latch on to certain songs cuz they give us permission to live in the past.

    No matter how hard we try, nothing can re-write history. Nothing. Even reconcilliations do not re-write the past and unfortunately, so much stuff can't really be forgotten.

    Phantom If you wanna live 'love sick', that's fine. Life is full of choices, and if this is the one you make for yourself, don't ask others to help you rationalize it.

    I know for me and my past, I used to pick the sickest cow of the herd, mostly cuz I didn't like me very much either.

    Having sex with prostitutes in hopes of boosting my self-esteem had the opposite effect. Sub-consciously, it hammers on us....'damn, I'm so low I can only have sex if I pay for it'. I've even dated druggies and alkies (no suprise there either), and when they rejected it, it hammered away as well.....'fuck, I can't even hang in there with a junkie, etc.'

    Melody Beatty has written some great books. Codependant No More. and some others.

    Might I suggest you pick one up and see if you can relate?
  18. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:59 PM]
  19. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:59 PM]
  20. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:59 PM]