Review of Sexywhore??

Discussion in 'New York' started by Kimba, Feb 20, 2003.

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  1. Cheerful

    Cheerful

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    207
    Re: Re: yeah i know that

    You might be interested in this essay http://snurl.com/v4k on the role of One Night Stands in couples who live in a less-repressive subculture.
  2. *********

    *********

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    772
    HVB I'm glad your posting again, welcome back I've missed you. I don't know why I'm being heard now as opposed to earlier. Perhaps it has to do something with the receivers, I don't know and I don't question it. Sometimes things stare you directly in the face and your not aware of them/truth, it's about being ready.

    It's true I am less guarded now because I've gotten to the point that I really can't continue trying to live up to people's expectations of how I should behave or second guessing how I should act. Growing up I was mom and dad's best little girl, the pleaser, caretaker, never say no and fixer etc. etc., since becoming a part-time whore, it's helped me to learn and resolve some of my own demons so I can lead the more productive life that I aspire and live the dreams I desire to achieve. I love helping people, career choice Humanities. Career skills Corporate.

    I have many goals and dreams but it's not so simple to achieve them, you need to have alot of faith, determination, concrete goals, perseverance and blessings.

    I know what I post is not be pleasing to everyone but I think it's a wonderful thing we can share our addiction/achilles heel on this board to learn and grown/away from it. I do have great compassion for all of us and hopefully little by little each one will live the life we always dream about.

    We know it's a sin however it's not easy being a flawed mortal.
    Overall package with so much more to offer than being a whore.
  3. Thorn

    Thorn

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    7,772
    Re: yeah i know that

    We've spoken of this, I do believe. So you know that my take on this is that the paying of money for sexual services between consenting adults is not wrong. Its not me, its our society's sexually repressive nature that is fucked up. So I have nothing to excuse myself for in this regard.

    The ONLY thing I do feel badly about, though I make no excuses for it either, is having to lie by ommission to my spouse.

    If it worked the way it was supposed to, according to my [most would say twisted] sense of logic, knowledge that one's mate is having paid for safe sex with no emotional attachment would be no more threatening to the marriage then knowing their spouse was getting a theraputic massage. Husband or wife alike, as I have no double standards in this regard.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2003
  4. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    9,574
    Pswope -

    hvB and jm

    There are nuances in each discrete relationship that defy universal truisms. Like the Supreme CT, humans are often called upon to balance conflicting interests and forge compromises for the ostensible greater good.



    Hey look, I rarely post on the subject because I realize that a certain lack of experience is shading my opinion on the subject. On the other hand, my comments are based on some experiences that I do have.

    The first is my observations as far as the degree to which people will hide serious drug problems from people that they know care about them. The shame of fealt by the addict, his fear of stigmatization and ostracization, and other factors create an impulse to avoid the people he cares for and withdraw from their lives. It happens gradually.

    The irony, is that these are the people that are most likely to support the addict through any recovery. It's the people that care deeply for the addict that will stand through that difficult process, and it is those people that stand the most to gain from the addict staying on the wagon. Indeed, that's often what happens when the addict comes clean, although he inevitably does tarnish some relationships important to him.


    The second observation is a bit more relevant.

    I have cheated on a woman that I was substantially (close to five years) involved with. I did do it habitually in order to appease my own needs (although, unlike most johns I don't think that need was a need of variety). I have experienced exactly what happens when that horrible secret becomes known to everyone.

    Let me tell you, the social ostricization from friends, many of whom took years to forgive me and the pain of losing someone that I loved dearly didn't come close to the overwhelming trauma of causing someone that I cared so deeply about so much pain, that she went from someone who loved me and was extremely devoted to me to someone that four years later feels she can not forgive me - someone that I will never have even a cordial relationship again.

    To have someone so significant in my life, removed suddenly without any hope of a return - to have that have all been motivated by extreme pain on her part - and to have known that I was the cause of it literally almost killed me and it certainly has a lot to do with why I engage in this hobby or habit.

    The thought that this kind of thing might happen again is enough (I dearly hope) to keep me either faithful or single. No matter how good you are at hiding your double life, no matter how sure you are that you've covered your tracks, there is always a risk that it will all go to hell. And to me, nothing is worth that risk.
  5. pswope

    pswope One out of three

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    4,036
    you're on a roll today

    hvB

    as it pertains to me, you're right about trying harder.

    I got a piece of unfinished business that I thought would be done by now. When it is, my efforts on the SO front increase;and

    I get completely self actualized
    & then I sleep
  6. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    If youre going to the wizard, ask him for some patience and understanding for BMM.
  7. h. von bingen

    h. von bingen Sharon

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    8,321
    yeah i know that

    but i get the feeling that most of u are pretty smart guyz who don't try hard enough. therefore, gifted with higher analytic skills, u try to excuse yr own behaviour. u know i'm right on this one.

    btw c9 there's nothing u could do to make me angry, i like u too much.

    off to see the wizard,
    hvb
  8. pswope

    pswope One out of three

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    4,036
    Ditto to SC's post.

    hvB and jm

    There are nuances in each discrete relationship that defy universal truisms. Like the Supreme CT, humans are often called upon to balance conflicting interests and forge compromises for the ostensible greater good.
  9. Cloud Nine

    Cloud Nine I had to open my big mouth.......

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    4,542
    Re: dearest hh


    You both have recieved similar "reactions" when you both 1st appeared online. It surprises me how many men are such namby pambies when it comes to women who speak their mind. (altho, it shouldnt, a whoreboard is probably the 1st place you'd look for men who have issues with women) Please bear in mind I'm not including a number of you who have embraced these women's right to express their honest feelings on the subjects of commercial sex, a little dischord goes a long way towards understanding.
  10. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    Addiction to sex, makes most peoples hang-ups, look like childs play.
    But I love this stuff. I love to read it.
    Sometimes, I find some stuff that actually sounds a little like me.
  11. Cloud Nine

    Cloud Nine I had to open my big mouth.......

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    4,542
    Just like the knowledge that I am going to die no matter what I do, I push the notion of what I am doing to my wife deep into the same deep, dark corners of my mind. Otherwise I could not live with myself if I ever truly realized what I am doing.

    Resisting my urge towards existentialism is the only means of my survival.

    Deny, deny, deny to everyone, especially towards myself.


    (aside to HvB, I'm sorry you dont like my translator program, I was just being silly as usual, if you dont like it I will take him offline.)
  12. SkellyChamp

    SkellyChamp

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    2,000
    Re: my problem is this . . .


    But relationship "contract" is not like the contract for the sale of goods or real estate. We can all admit that it is much more serious and important and as such has many gray areas that make the absolute you are advocating/espousing (no pun intended)/desiring impossible to put into contract law as well as the reality of life.

    You very well may be in a nuturing relationship if your s/o is w/o your knowledge engaged in EMA. Or you may not be. It depends on so much more and certainly if you don't know about it cannot factor into your determination of the answer to that question. So it can't be an illusion for you either.


    When you say that one's worth is not measured by keeping on the straight and narrow that argues in favor of the gray areas and not the absolute an applies to relationships as well.

    From what you say I think that the real issue is what you find most irksome "the tortuous lengths that some will go to convince themselves they are on the s&n." because you are seeing the hypocricy from without. The delusion that EMA has no affect whatsoever. It does ceratinly. But it doesn't (necessarily) define or void the relationship.
  13. JackT

    JackT

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    2,351
    POWERLESS????

    I don't want to turn this into an analyze JackT's addiction(s) thread... but hvb & hh, believe me, I've been struggling with step ONE on-and-off for about 2 years now.


    (also don't forget: UNMANAGEABLE????)
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2003
  14. h. von bingen

    h. von bingen Sharon

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    8,321
    yes jack

    i too apologize for a lack of compassion. but there are places to take addictive behaviour. no, not, ug.

    admit u are powerless,
    hvb
  15. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker

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    1,396
    Jack, I dont know you, or if you are even trying to stop your addiction, but if you truly are trying to, I apologize.
  16. h. von bingen

    h. von bingen Sharon

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    dearest hh

    these are the tortuous lengths of which i speak.

    sw:

    i have to admit to a growing curiousity. one of the reasons i have begun posting again is that i got wind that some thought u were me. i just wanted to read what u were saying to see what could have caused that confusion. i see we have a certain directness in common. why do u suppose u are now being heard when u didn't feel u were before? are u less guarded under this handle? have u ever considered another career?

    just nosy,
    hvb

    jm:

    so u see. i am not highly moral. the cognitive dissonance tax is one i am not willing to pay. keeping my life simple is complicated enough. my morality is only a little more than a cost-benefit anal.

    u are so cute, i hope u find a nice girl.
    hvb
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2003
  17. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

    Messages:
    9,574
    Some guys do, too.

    Daniella might very well ask why any one would reasonably think they are entitled to both a relationship of ostensible monogamy and also the ability to have sex with lots of different women.

    But most of the major players here admit that they are being completely unreasonable (at least the ones I hold a modicum of respect for).
  18. JackT

    JackT

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    2,351
    I'm not trying to JUSTIFY my addiction. I am simply trying to deal with my addiction without having my world (and the world of my loved ones) come crashing down around me.
  19. Happy Hooker

    Happy Hooker

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    1,396
    You dont seriously believe that shit do you? Oh yeah.. you HAVE to believe that so that it justifies your addiction.
  20. h. von bingen

    h. von bingen Sharon

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    8,321
    sw makes sense . . .

    one's worth is not measured by keeping on the straight and narrow. what i find most irksome is are the tortuous lengths that some will go to convince themselves they are on the s&n.

    i don't think my position is as gender-centric as u would like to think it is ps. fidelity is difficult for women too. for historic, social, economic etc. reasons, participating as a hobbyist in the commercial sex arena has traditionally been the purview (sp?) of men. if the economic tables were turned and women had more access to power and dough, the hobby, i think, would look quite different (and the men who would be the unwitting partners would feel very differently, i daresay). absolute goodness is merely an aspiration, if were so easily attainable, i for one would find it far less desirable.

    fwiw: for me, the essence of activities (this and others) are ceaselessly fascinating, but i like to sit in cafes and evesdrop too.

    till i reach (my higher ground),
    hvb