Searching for answers

Discussion in 'General Industry Related Topics' started by Phantom, Feb 8, 2001.

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  1. guy catelli

    guy catelli

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    478
    as far as i can recall, i have not given online advice to anyone about a private matter; nor, likewise, have i solicited same on my own behalf. so, i will only mention here, fwiw, what i myself am doing in a not disimilar situation.

    on certain days of the year that i know have special significance for her, i send a card. i also send a note from time to time during the year.

    i don't try to persuade her that today can be like yesterday, because i know that it can't. but, i consider it a little gift to remind her that she is in the position to do the rejecting (at least where i'm concerned ;)).

    this is a position every woman enjoys occupying; it cannot be less the case for a woman much of civilian society views as not occupying this position professionally.
  2. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    OK, let's throw out the fact that she's a providor (which I think is an incredible oversimplification). Your situation is that you are somewhat attracted to a woman who is acting a little bizarre and may not know exactly how she feels about you. Your choices are twofold (as I see it). You can write it off (as many people have advocated) or you can sweat it out and wait patiently until she makes up her mind. In general it's been my experience that it's a terrible mistake to try to influence this situation with any kind of pressure. So if you decide to sweat it out then the best thing is to let her know that you want to hear from her when she's ready to see you. IMHO.

    But given the fact that she's (most likely) got tons of other issues going on, and your own history of obsessing over women, I would say that your best bet is to write it off. But of course you'll do whatever you want to.

    [Edited by justme on 02-11-2001 at 02:59 AM]
  3. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    If she doesn't know, how the hell am I supposed too?
  4. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    The underlying assumption that you're making is that she knows exactly what she wants/thinks.
  5. yoric

    yoric

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    14
    Phantom,
    I see your situation a little more clearly now and appreciate it.
    Being upfront and honest, wouldnt the world ( and the hobby) be a more tolerable, albeit painful at times,place to be if this were practiced?
    I hope you get closure on this with a minimum of distress
  6. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    Badz and justme,

    What I meant when I said that "wouldn't you want to know for sure" is that I would much rather be told in no uncertain words that, "please do not call me, I do not want to see you anymore" instead of doing things that leave doubt and questions in the mind of the guy as to the girls intentions.

    All I want is her to be upfront and honest. Yes, it might hurt more then and for a while, but all doubts are erased. Being upfront and honest is better for both parties in the long run.
  7. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    Would you ate least want to know for sure?

    Certainty is at best an illusion, but more likely a delusion. In my limited experience I've noticed that people who continue to search for the truth they want in the face of significant counter-evidence will often use certainty as an excuse for an unhealthy prolonging of the task. I know that I've done it.
  8. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:57 PM]
  9. One Eyed Trouser Trout

    One Eyed Trouser Trout #1 Cowboys Fan

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    2,071
    What I've done with non-provider situations like this in the past is try to pretend that they've died...and then work to mourn the loss.

    I've only gotten good at this in the past 2 or 3 years.

    Far more people have come in and out of my life than have stayed, and when I talk to others about their perceptions of their own experience, they see the same trend.

    For some reason, people will continue to cross paths with me, will teach me something, and then leave. Some leave too quick, others don't leave quick enough.

    An old salt was talking to his grandson regarding women.. The old salt had been quite a cocksman in his day, even marrying a few of the better ladies he had come to know.

    His advice to his grandson was somewhat abstract..but he said..."Women are like trolleys...if you miss one, don't chase it. Wait patiently and another will come along"
  10. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    Combining a personal need to try and fix things and the memory of allot of great times with this woman. I just find it real hard to just let go.
  11. Slinky Bender

    Slinky Bender The All Powerful Moderator

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    19,488
    Well, at least we've heard from someone who has followed his own advice.......
  12. One Eyed Trouser Trout

    One Eyed Trouser Trout #1 Cowboys Fan

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    2,071
    Phantom

    My suggestion is if you're looking for love and loyalty, you get a Golden Retriever.

    Just an opinion...but the hope and dream of having a healthy relationship with a provider opens all clients up to gut wrenching and brain twisting experiences.

    Remember...we pay them to leave.
  13. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    yoric,

    No offense taken. You've posed some legitimate questions, let me see if I can answer them.

    I think maybe the word "deflected" is not quite right. Maybe the word "clarifly" is better. There were a few responses that commented on the fact that she could be making more money elsewhere and that is the reason she hasn't returned calls. I clariflied this by saying that these rates were even when she was working full time and the height of he popularity. How is that deflecting?

    while I greatly appreciate all the responses from you guys which opinions and from who do you think carry more weight? If I wanted opinions on what girl is worth while to see I would ask you guys instead of accepting the escorts word that she was the best. Don't you think on this matter that the thoughts that come from a provider might be a step closer to the problem?

    The main reason I wanted to talk off the board with KS is that this provider, my provider in question is "retired". I'm sure you all know that "retired" means awhole lot different then from being "retired" outside of the business. I would have put her well being in question if I just started posting all the info on an open board. I'm just trying to avoid posting enough info about this provider and my situation with her to concel her identity. Even if it turns out that she will not see me again I couldn't do that. She does not want one guy to know she is still working. I just figured that I could avoid allot of problems by talking to KS.
  14. yoric

    yoric

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    14
    Phantom,
    First of all no disrespect intended. If you dont like what I have to say, fine- disregard it.
    But- the fact is you have deflected every response offered, except that of KS, who you want
    to correspond with privately because you say there are facts that you dont want to disclose publicly.
    Why ask for opinions in the first place? Especially if you are holding back important details.
    My feeling is that you already know the answer to your inquiry.
    I wish you a good outcome in this matter. I have been there and survived.
  15. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    OETT,

    I asked if her decision not to do ON with me at this time and her not being able to schedule anything in advance was her way of trying to tell me that she would rather not see me anymore. Her response of "No, not at all" meant that "No" is not her way of telling me that she did not want to see me anymore.

    Badz,

    First of all just how many drinks did it take before your higher power appeared?

    Please don't take the next couple of sentences the wrong way. What if a certain NYC provider who ecently went indie started not to return your calls. Would you be able to take your own advice to move on? Would you at least want to know if sure? Would you not make any attempt to get back into her good graces?
  16. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:57 PM]
  17. badz

    badz Bronze

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    [Edited by badz on 05-23-2001 at 09:57 PM]
  18. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    we all have issues or we'd be repulsed by what we do

    I'd say that determining the truth of this statement is at least 50% responsible for my activities in places like this.
  19. One Eyed Trouser Trout

    One Eyed Trouser Trout #1 Cowboys Fan

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    2,071
    so, did she mean, No, she doesn't want to see you at all?

    Or, No, the fact that she can't answer you is not at all what you think..

    I hate it when people answer with mixed messages...

    And yes Phantom...me, you, Ozzy, everybody,...we all have issues or we'd be repulsed by what we do.

    Some are just sicker than others.

    [Edited by One Eyed Trouser Trout on 02-09-2001 at 10:37 PM]
  20. Phantom

    Phantom

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    2,806
    Well then OETT, I must be an especially sick pup then.