What providers say vs. what they are thinking.

Discussion in 'New York' started by BigMadM, Jan 28, 2003.

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  1. pswope

    pswope One out of three

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    4,036
    Shit, If I knew I could cop a buzz from Viagra, I'd use it as well.

    (do you have to snort it,pop it or mainline it?)
  2. candie

    candie

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    1,614
    Do I detect hostility in this thread? What about the bs clients fill your ears with? Touche` I say... and it rythmns ;)

    ps: If I know the client uses viagra I am less likely to book with him and just book with another unless he REALLY has a problem getting and staying that way as too many abuse that and it ruins the booking. I think maybe 3 I booked with my whole career and they were high as a kite.
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2003
  3. Casper

    Casper

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    8,268
    Happened tonight;

    Stripper/dancer:
    How come you never got a dance from me before (said)
    I know you have money and I'm upset you've been here a few times before but I never got any of it till today (meant)

    Me in reponse:
    Well there's always alot of dancers to choose from (said)
    There's alot more girls better looking than you whenever I get here but today I'm feeling sympathetic. (meant)
  4. vegasjim

    vegasjim

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    967
    Funny Great thread. In my opinion providers never really tell you what they are thinking.
  5. jseah

    jseah

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    5,195
    ROTFLMAO.....(just take the first letter of each word)
  6. shavedkitten

    shavedkitten

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    62
    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Dont know the abrev so Rolling on the floor laughing my ASS OFF!!!!
  7. justme

    justme <i>pop and click tainted</i> Vinyl ( is dead )

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    BOO!

    (You are way too fucking hilarious to resort to racial slurs)
  8. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    There is always one line that really amazes me.
    "I dont really do this only for the money, I really enjoy meeting different people and Im really into sex."

    I always wondered how girls manage to keep a straight face when they are telling this to a 58 y/o man, whos testicles are hanging 2 inches off the floor, with hair coming out of his ears, and nose, and he has a belly 6 inches bigger than mine.
  9. Dondee

    Dondee Herbie, DDS

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    4,066
    Farting dust is o.k. as long as it isn't sawdust!
  10. twice

    twice

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    4
    My favorite

    She says,"Doggy style is my favorite!!!!"

    Thinking - "if I don't have to look at him, I can pretend it's my BF.
  11. Bill Furniture

    Bill Furniture Flounder

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    10,182
    celtic knight is the oldest, he can fart dust.

    just kidding ya celt;)
  12. TuckernotSucker

    TuckernotSucker

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    Chapter 26A

    " Oh you are sooooo good at Daty. I wish all men could do it like you"
    Real Meaning. Oh, what I would give for my girlfriend to be down there now.
  13. Lemurrush

    Lemurrush

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    216
    This was posted in a private group I belonged to some years back - but, it fits this thread, and, is pretty funny.

    Obviously, there are exceptions, but I think many of you will see some similarities here...

    Lemur


    ESCORT ADVERTISEMENT AND WEBSITE DECODER ADVERTISEMENT

    ...reasons why we read the reviews rather than the advertisements, websites, and endorsement posts.

    Ultimate GFE........Can stomach sucking face with even halitosis plagued men.
    I enjoy my work........A highly accomplished actress, fakes "O"s better than Meg Ryan.
    Down-to-earth........Isn't high.
    Energetic ........Is high.
    Discreet ........Too disorganized to keep your personal information.
    Outcall only ........Has a car, lives in a motel.
    Incall only........Doesn't have a car, lives in a motel.
    BBW...........Pick a fold, any fold.
    I answer my phone ........No computer.
    ****** me only ........ No phone.
    Fill out my online booking form........ You will never get an appointment, ever.
    Punctual........+/- 2 hours.
    Educated........5 years of high school.
    Wants to spend time getting to know you........Kills as much of the hour as
    possible with idle chit-chat.
    Appreciates tips........$200 for a no-touch dance, $300 more for FS.
    Girl-next-door..........Has a face like a basset hound.
    Mature.............Take her photo, add 15 years.
    Classy..........Washes.
    University Educated..........DeVry
    Sensitive..........Doesn't laugh at you to your face.
    Loves meeting new people..........She needs the money
    Lingerie available..........BYO, she'll be more than happy to wear it.
    Sensual..........Turns the TV off.
    Referrals required..........Wants to gauge how skanky you really are.
    Deposit required..........Primadonna.
    Sophisticated..........Stops the action to take cell phone calls.
    Blonde..........Bad dye job.
    Redhead..........Wig.
    Couples welcome..........At least women usually wash.
    Can bring a friend..........Anything to get you off faster.
    Smoker..........6 packs a day.
    Non-Smoker..........2 packs a day.
    Doesn't do drugs..........That happens after the session.
    Face obscured on site for privacy..........Butt ugly.
    Elegant Dinner Companion..........A free meal is always nice.
    Tight butt..........No hips, ass looks like 14 year old boy.
    B cup ..........BB's on a breadboard.
    C cup..........B cup.
    D cup..........C cup.
    DD cup..........Fat.
    115..........140.
    125..........150.
    135..........160.
    140+..........A house.
    New pics on site..........Reviewers slammed her for dated pics.
    I only take 1 appointment per day..........The other 5 are just friends.
    My car broke down..........She has better things to do.
    My ***** crashed, I lost everything..........She has better things to do for the next week.
    Retirement..........She met a BF who doesn't like her job.
    Coming out of retirement..........She was dumped.
    Holiday Specials..........Kids need winter clothes
    Light Domination..........You don't want FS? All the better.
    If you seek a onetime experience, look elsewhere..........look elsewhere.
    Nice apartment..........Doesn't live in a motel.
    A few piercings..........Face and bod look like a pin cushion.
    A few tats..........More ink than bare skin.
    Very accommodating..........Speaks greek if you are less than 6", $100 extra.
    Now independent............Too flaky even for the agency.
    Genuine pics...........Just not of her.
  14. Dondee

    Dondee Herbie, DDS

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    4,066
    I would consider Florida ONLY if Dee, Kimmie, Betty, Candi, etc. would move down there also....

    If you were YOUNGER you would be able to think of more than ten.

    Back to topic....
  15. Kimmie

    Kimmie

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    5,642
    Says: You are the only one to cum in my mouth....


    Really thinking: In the last hour..


    Note to Phantom: I feel you. Cheer up.
  16. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    I post all my threads in ny.
  17. Cloud Nine

    Cloud Nine I had to open my big mouth.......

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    4,542
    Why the fuck is this thread in the god damned NY section?!! You NYers are so fucking ethno-centric it aint funny.

    Reprinted with permission from my old friend JohnnyK (originally posted on JAG) This was in a discussion of what a provider ad says and what it really means, I think the items in quotes were actually lifted from real ads.



    "I am a slim 34D,24,34 and 127lbs attractive, intelligent, fit, toned, girl who enjoys staying in or going out. "

    Translation: I am an average girl who weighs around 140 and could stand to lose some weight, my cup size is a b+, I have a GED, go to the gym once a month, and I'll go wherever you want if the money's right.

    "I have a background in exotic dancing. In addition to companionship I can provide private dances, lingerie modeling and a great massage. "

    Translation: I used to be a stripper. Aside from having sex with you I'll smoke and watch the free hbo in your hotel room.

    "I am relatively new to this industry, though since the very begining, I have realy given my all to each booking my "all"!!! Immediately! I think each booking I do means very much to me, as I love to bring on a very sensuously, almost ------ session that leaves me breathless each time."

    Translation: I have been in this business for 5 years and have slowly become jaded. Men are pigs. Each booking means $100 to me and $150 for the agency. I will suck your cock so hard that I can't breathe.

    "I love to pamper my clients and make them feel relaxed, then my warm down to earth personality always shines. "

    Translation:
    I like to get the Johns drunk so bad that I can roll them, if not I'll use my charm him so much he wont realize I'm pickpocketing him.


    "I am very geniunely open and very real with my clientele and love to make "make their evening or day" excell with heated passionate pleasures of a latin woman. "

    Translation:
    I like to gossip about other clients and take a siesta after coitus like all mexicans.

    "I think those clients I have now that already know me will agree, its not the beauty, but the brains, sensuality and asureness of herself that keeps them coming back. "

    Translation:
    I am not much of a looker but I sure can suck the chrome off a fender and screw more than a carpenter.

    "I am outcall only! "

    Translation:
    There is no way in hell do I want you scumbags in my apartment.
  18. BigMadM

    BigMadM Linoleum

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    11,013
    Shit, Im young again...only 48......thanx....i was getting worried nobodys over 50 around these parts anymore.

    Oh yeah casper...my favorite line from every young girl I see.
    Youre not that old, my father is about your age.
    Shes thinking-Shit, Im fucking men my fathers age, I hate this fucking business.
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2003
  19. Casper

    Casper

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    8,268
    Some of you will soon have to move to Florida....... :D

    Ok now let's get this thread back on topic....

    There must be at least 10 more we can think of.
  20. Dondee

    Dondee Herbie, DDS

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    4,066
    Merde! Jack, good for you! That beats my 54.