Whorehouse Piano Players- & Tax Deductions

Discussion in 'NJ/NY/CT Massage / Spa' started by metellier, Jan 18, 2003.

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  1. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    Dey don't teach dis stuff at H&R Block, ey?

    ..by the way, my audit appointment is Tuesday. I intend to
    plead insanity. Shouldn't be a problem, ey?

    I heard the Commissioner of the IRS is a big fan of dis Board.
    Right, teeduke?

    "Photocopying fake receipts like hell" Etellier
  2. Dondee

    Dondee Herbie, DDS

    Dats a cute angle.

    (I had to go BACK in time and read some of your earlier stuff.....did not want to miss any of it)
  3. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    Thanks for the tip, Jseah

    ..sounds like you know what you're talkin' about. (or as we used to say in Quebec: "talkin' aboot")

    Quick question, little Michel doesn't get as...,well, shall we say, robust as he used to.

    Can I get a depletion allowance for this? Or should I just stick with the depreciation I have been using (formula of all the $ I have ever spent on this
    hobby divided by the useful life of little Michel)- I am using 27.5 years (kind of
    accelerated depreciation....with no salvage value remaining.

    Whaddaya think?

    Michel "still looking for an angle" Etellier
  4. jseah


    well.....the dependent exemption rules only allow you to claim dependents up to the age of 18 (23 if they are full time students).....of course the most favorable answer would be if you could rely on the ages the providers use in their ads......they you could probably claim your "21 year old college student" for the next 30-40 years or so....
  5. metellier

    metellier Two time offender


    I found it!

    I can deduct my favorite providers as dependents!!! After all, if I don't support them, they'll starve...they can replace the 4 guys I used to lose to in poker every week & claim on my 1040 Schedule A.

    There must be another tax form for this somewhere...

    "Still looking" Etellier
  6. genius


    Maybe so but wet dreams don't last forever. There is no reason why you cant enjoy the cerebral along with the carnal. Try it optimist - you may like it.
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2003
  7. Mxaah


    That's why I love this board, filled with smart people who can write and do some thinking.

    Good work metellier
  8. optimist


    Metellier, you could spoil a wet dream.
  9. teeduke


    I love this board!


    Nice change of pace thread.

    Do you ever worry about how much time we must spend thinking about this hobby?
  10. metellier

    metellier Two time offender

    In the old days when LE would bust a bordello, the guy playing piano in the
    downstairs waiting area would invariably say he had no idea what was going on upstairs (nor why so many guys were waiting in the parlor nor why so many scantily-clad girls were lounging around in the parlor). This has become
    an idiomatic expression "guilty as a whorehouse piano player", indicating one
    who indirectly benefits from an illegal activity but feigns plausible deniability of the details which lead to his own enrichment.

    Of all the various facilitators involved with this hobby, only the provider, occasionally the provider's "business agent"; even less occasionally the customer and even less occasionally, the landlord, are ever penalized by LE
    for offering; procuring; pandering; or "knowingly renting" to enable this hobby to occur.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm in this hobby a long time and enjoy it when its good,
    but I think we all should occasionally remember those who indirectly benefit
    from the hobby (not the providers or their "mamsan/managers" who benefit

    (1) landlords who rent the house or apartment or storefront or professional
    suite, then who pretend to be shocked when LE tries to prevent them from
    re-renting for the prescribed period of time after a bust...("i thought they were a massage therapist, your honor...")

    (2) real estate agents who know what the prospective tenant is looking for
    ("...oh, you want to be on the first floor, no elevator, no doorman, buzzer only, sure you can install a camera.." and make commission on the deals

    (3) photographers who try to shape up the providers for the internet or print ads

    (4) the webmasters of places like ny-exotics or eros-ny or cityvibe or the countless other advertising sites

    (5) the lawyers (ah yes, the lawyers)

    (6) the cops (without this hobby being illegal, layoffs would be certain and many would actually have to pursue criminals)

    (7) the newspapers who charge higher rates (especially for those photo-in-color ads they push)
    Here's this week's tally of providers' ads (just by pages not by charging fees):
    NY Press-20 pages + 3 pages of personal ads out of 88 pages (23%)
    V V- 19 pages + 3 pages of personal ads out of 156 pages total (14%)
    Queens Trib- 5 pages + 1 page of personal ads out of 48 pages total (13%)*
    Newsday (not tallied)

    *note- Queens Trib-is owned by a member of Congress (Ackerman) and this paper DELIGHTS in reporting prostitution busts & complaints (talk about phony)

    (8) the bit players: the smuggler of girls; the cell phone company; the "adult guide" publishers, the plastic surgeons...and all the others.

    I am sure that my fellow UGers can think of more. I'm not suggesting a "Nick and Norm" connection between your local massage girl and Al Quada, I'm just
    saying the dollars that we pay to providers support a ton of other folks...

    Are you guys sure we can't deduct this as a charitable donation or unremibursed medical expense?

    Take care guys

    Michel "doing his taxes and trying to proscrastinate and find a loophole" Etellier