Why Women Appear to be "Obsessed" with Commitment

Discussion in 'From the other side of the miror' started by annryce, Apr 11, 2014.

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  1. twotimesone

    twotimesone

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    Talking about commitment, do you remember guys who comes in something like once a month? For poor smoes like me, once a month is all I can afford for a gfe experience unless I go to some 3rd world country. For me, i did not roll my eyes when she tried to talk, but in fact, I like to talk to them but she said to me if I like her or not, do you think that is some kind of commitment?
  2. annryce

    annryce

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    I agree with you you're right....it's just not everyone is emotionally mature. That takes discipline and good habits...and delayed gratification.

    Many people give up, throw in the towel and stop trying to "discover" stuff when they feel like "it takes too long".
  3. puffin

    puffin

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    3,349
    I once went out twice with a woman. After the second date she expected me to invite her up top my place. She thought if I slept with her, that I'd be surer to stick with her? As if sex influences whether I enjoy someone's company over the long haul? Sex has almost no bearing on whether I laugh at someone's jokes or want to see an Off Off Broadway show or visit Crater Lake National Park.

    And here's the kicker: It's not a decision whether to like someone, it's a discovery. Like finding dinosaur bones or buried treasure. So convincing me that I want to find the treasure is a non starter - because I do want to find the treasure. But it's either there or it's not, and digging takes time. Careful digging with a brush and tiny painter's knife.
  4. annryce

    annryce

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    15
    Well, it's harder for women. We process things differently. It's a learned habit to tame those instincts. Guys tame their horny instincts all the time around attractive women.

    Emotionally balanced women reign those in instincts too and have appropriate coping mechanisms and outlets for it (ie: romance novels, bonding with girlfriends, journaling, painting, or decorating, etc). Plus, most women just want to "vent" when they share these feelings, in most cases they are too emotionally involved to have you fully reciprocate and share anyway. Just listen and be present, that's all that's needed. And there's no need to be involved all the time, just during those emtionally vulnerable times.
  5. puffin

    puffin

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    3,349
    >> The moment a woman falls for you is at that moment where she shares those vulnerable needs I mentioned.

    Whoa woa woa!!!

    How about waiting until you know a person a few months before you decide to share all manner of vulnerable feelings? It takes time to get to really know someone, and I am not about to encourage open sharing of the deepest feelings with someone who I like because she dresses well, looks good and is fun to be around. I have met women who were all of those things at first meeting only to find out they had personality disorders, hated certain races or did not like any outdoor activities.

    Falling should not be allowed. Gradual development of mutual understanding yes. No falling.
  6. annryce

    annryce

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    15
    Because the typical guy comes off as judgmental and dismissive when she expresses these feelings. It's sort of like how men are shamed and dismissed when they lust after young tight fit feminine bodies.

    No one likes it when they feel shamed and rejected for their natural primal urges. The rampant shaming of male sexuality is partly why GFE performers earn more than typical pros. And when women feel shamed, they often retaliate by using sex as a weapon, golddigging, emotional blackmail, and acting out.

    I realize a lot of guys don't notice when a woman REALLY likes them and often can't tell whether or not a woman is just acting.

    The moment a woman falls for you is at that moment where she shares those vulnerable needs I mentioned. It's a very intimidating place, much like how I imagine a man would feel when faced with the prospect of sharing an eccentric fetish with the woman he loves. It's scary and often painful to be that open. And sharing those feelings and being made to feel like a child sucks.

    People lie because its often the path of least resistance. I don't. I'm in the security stage which is a major factor in my decision to be a pro. A regular guy would probably be repulsed by my focus on security. If I perform, I take the money, get my security needs met and don't have to be so vulnerable. Much like a guy who sees providers comes across as less "needy" because he is sexually satiated.
  7. puffin

    puffin

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    3,349
    Here's the thing: when I am on those dating websites, I see claims that women are looking for a "nice guy" but in reality they are looking for a wealthy highly positioned man to care for all their needs and listen to their concerns (the playas you mentioned).

    So why don't women admit as much?

    The few times I do see that spelled out in a profile, I think "Thankfully you know what you want."

    Most times I read talk of wanting walks on the beach and sunshine. But that alone doesn't cut it (of course). So at least if you admit what you want, I can go into things with open eyes.
  8. annryce

    annryce

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    15
    This is a spinoff from this thread:
    http://utopiaguide.com/forums/threads/where-is-the-provider-pov.48786/#post-1064542

    and the exchange I had with puffin. It made me think of how to better illustrate some of the "divide" I mentioned in that post about the differences between men and women.

    I was going to add:
    A lot of times women will view commitment as the "consolation prize" for having to be emotionally available for her man all the time. For women, it's their way of recouping the "deficit" of an emotionally draining interaction they have invested their emotions, status, and sex into.

    Lots of women eengage in casual sex on a regular basis without p4p...ask any playa. The problem is the playa is sensitive to the woman's emotionally vulnerable concerns while the average guy is not. To men it seems like women are just jockeying for commitment, but many are okay with a casual NSA situation, provided the man is sensitive to her while she is emotionally vulnerable and open.

    Men mistakenly believe this means being emotionally sensitive all the time. It does not. If you're just present and nonjudgmental while she has that awkward sharing moment when she discusses how she wants a better status ___, a more safe___, or an exciting ____ you will be GOLDEN.

    It's just most men can't refrain from rolling their eyes and sighing while their woman discusses these things. You don't have to feign excitement, just be accepting. Mr. Playa does, and that's why he gets lots of girls even without putting commitment on the table.

    Most men (outside of playas) do NOT make it past this stage without disgust, judgment, and revulsion, leaving women compelled to lie and hide their true feelings and obtain commitment as a form of arbitrage, exchanging humiliation for an increase in status or financial stability or attention (the three points I mentioned earlier)

    Imagine you're with your very attractive lover, you're naked, you've had a bit of ED and then out of nowhere she laughs at you, tells you you're small, kicks you in the groin leaves and then tells all of her hot friends how inadequate you are. That's how it feels for women when they get rejected after sharing such emotional topics...it's how they feel after they get dumped after a hookup most times too.